Squad 51, Raving Wacko at 5th & Walnut

Let me start by saying that I very much like Pennsylvania, Pittsburgh, and Our Fair City. But there are many fundamental issues that need to be addressed, and those in charge refuse to address them, while those they affect refuse to get outraged and demand action. Eventually, one way or another, the great Commonwealth of Pennsylvania, as well as the fair-to-middling County of Allegheny, will be dragged into the 21st Century kicking and screaming, whether the powers that be like it or not (I estimate sometime around the year 2145).

The Legislative Budget and Finance Committee has released a report stating that the stateâs volunteer fire companies are in poor fiscal shape, according to an article in Wednesdayâs Post-Gazette. State Fire Commissioner Edward Mann put it succinctly: The state ãhas too many fire companies.ä The article goes on to mention that Allegheny County has 197 volunteer fire companies, and that companies around the county and state have been experiencing declines in volunteers and donations since the 1970âs.

Pennsylvania has a long history of volunteer fire departments, probably because Benjamin Franklin created the first organized volunteer fire company in Philadelphia in 1736 (boy, olâ Benny was into everything, wasnât he?). While this exemplifies a wonderfully and uniquely American spirit of community, it also provides an estimated savings of roughly $6 billion dollars a year in salary and benefits that would otherwise have to be paid to professional firefighters.

This is not a new problem, and itâs not limited to fire companies. Allegheny County is comprised of 130 independent municipal governments (not including county government itself), which means that we have 130 city, borough, or township councils (this includes 4 political entities which call themselves ãMunicipality ofä and one ãTown ofä), about 115 municipal police departments (not including the Pennsylvania State Police, the Allegheny County Sheriff, the Allegheny County Police, the Port Authority Police, Pittsburgh Housing Police, Pittsburgh School Police, and 7 or 8 college and university police departments), as well as 42 independent school districts.

Whew! Thatâs a lot to research and type, let alone expecting each mayor, councilman, school director, public works director, and police chief to work with their counterparts to provide effective and efficient government services to the citizenry. Now, I know this is a family blog, but Iâm going to type the ãCä word, so if there are any minors in the room you may wish to shield their eyes. (Boy, I hope this doesnât get me in trouble with the FCC.)

CONSOLIDATION!

Weâve been making some baby steps (a very small baby) what with the last election wherein voters overwhelmingly (72.8%) approved consolidating the various county record-keeping row offices into one office. In the past 10 years there has also been some informal consolidations amongst police departments, usually when one tiny borough can no longer afford to stay independent and contracts out with a neighbor for service. Municipalities with multiple fire companies have also seen mergers of the companies, painful as it may have been for the individual members.

I donât go so far as to suggest that the city and county should merge completely. It would essentially be pointless, as every square inch of Pennsylvania land is incorporated into an independent municipality (per the state constitution, all counties are sub-divided into townships; boroughs and cities are subsequently carved out of the townships). There is no such thing as ãcounty landä in Pennsylvania, nor is there any legal mechanism for dissolving a municipality (except through merging with another). So until the state legislature decides to rectify that situation (read: ãwhen hell freezes overä) I canât in good conscious advocate a Pittsburgh/Allegheny County consolidation.

What would make sense (so itâll never happen) would be for some regional consolidation. Do we really need a Homestead, West Homestead, Munhall, and Whitaker? Why is there a Braddock, North Braddock, Braddock Hills, and Rankin? How about a Borough of Turtle Creek V alley? Instead of Glassport, Liberty, Lincoln, and Port Vue, how about South Allegheny Township? Why not let the city of Pittsburgh gobble up Mount Oliver, Bellevue, Dormont, McKees Rocks, and a host of other one-horse towns that cling to itâs periphery (or, in Mt. Oliverâs case, are completely surrounded by it)? Allegheny Valley Township, anyone?

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A radical idea for a county that canât even agree on a single 911 communications center. I have a lady friend who formerly worked part-time as a dispatcher for Dinkyville Hills Borough (not itâs real name). The Dinkyville Area Dispatch Center handles calls for the Dinkyville Hills PD, the Lower Dinkyville PD, the East Dinkyville Hills PD, and the Dinky Township PD. Foolishly, I probed as to why Dinkyville Hills and itâs neighbors didnât opt in with the county 911.

ãIt wouldnât work,ä she said, ãthe county dispatchers donât know the Dinkyville area as well as we do. Theyâd screw everything up.ä

ãThe New York City Police Departmentâs Communications Division maintains a grand total of 2 dispatch centers,ä I countered, ãand they only have a second one as a backup for the first one. The NYPD has 40,000 officers covering a jurisdiction of 303 square miles. Why canât Allegheny County have one 911 center?ä

ãIt just wouldnât work.ä she said before storming off.

No wonder I don't date much.