Get in Shape, Ape

In memory of the late Don Martin, feel free to go ape today!

Says National Gorilla Suit Day spokesprimate Mark Evanier:

George W. Bush will be delivering his 2006 State of the Union address on National Gorilla Suit Day. I think it would be a nice gesture of respect to the holiday if he addressed the joint Houses of Congress wearing a gorilla suit.

And it would be a nice gesture of respect to the country if he announced that he's going to deliver all the funding that was promised to the states devastated by Hurricane Katrina, if he'd pledge to turn over all the records of Jack Abramoff's dealings with the White House, if he'd admit that his revamp of the Medicare prescription drug plan has been an utter disaster that needs drastic repair, if he'd forget his silly notion of medical savings plans that will only destroy health care further, if he'd promise that all our troops fighting overseas will immediately get body armor and better medical care, if he'd clearly define what has to be achieved before most of them can be brought home, and if he'd fire everyone in his administration who has proven to be incompetent.

Of all these gestures, I'm guessing the gorilla suit is the most likely.

And tell me that it isn't fate that National Gorilla Suit Day comes just four days before the Steelers play in the Super Bowl. After all, who was the Steelers' placekicker during the 1970s?

Why, Roy Gerela, of course, currently an assistant coach at New Mexico State University.

Suggested listening for National Gorilla Suit Day: "Mickey's Monkey" by Smokey Robinson & The Miracles, "Monkey Time" by Major Lance, "(The Monkey Song) You Made a Monkey Out of Me" by J.P. "Big Bopper" Richardson, "Go Go Gorilla" by The Shandells, "Too Much Monkey Business" by Chuck Berry, "Monkey Man" by Baby Huey & The Babysitters, and (of course), "Hey, Hey (Theme From 'The Monkees')."

I forget who did that last song. I think it was Oscar Wilde, or maybe George Gershwin.

Am I missing any prominent monkey or gorilla-themed songs? Post 'em in the comments, por favor.

Yes, I know monkeys and gorillas are not the same thing. Work with me here, hmm?

(Incidentally, "Monkey Man" is one of those quintessential Pittsburgh oldies --- a loud 1960s R&B song that got radio airplay in Pittsburgh, thanks to guys like Porky Chedwick and Mad Mike Metrovich, but was virtually unknown everywhere else. The only other place where it was a big hit was in Chicago, where Baby Huey was from. You can read the short and sad life story of James "Baby Huey" Ramey in this 2004 article from the Chicago Reader.)