Grab Your Paranoia, Do-Si-Do

There was a letter to the editor in Thursday's Daily News that was a fascinating study in ... something. Persecution complexes? Paranoia? Patriotism run amok?

A lady from Elizabeth Township --- I won't use her name --- wrote to complain because there are no square dancers at International Village, the annual ethnic food and music festival at Renzie Park. Apparently she called city hall, asking them to book her square dance group at the village, and the city declined, saying that square dancing is not ethnic dancing.

The lady is upset, she says, because "American" is an ethnicity as far as she's concerned, and she's sick of "Americans" being discriminated against in their own country. (I know I'm tired of having to use the "Americans Only" water fountain at the bus station, and I'm sure you are, too. And I think you'll agree that it was out of line for the Mexican police to make us sew those blue stars onto our clothes.)

Furthermore, she says, she can name at least one other group that performs at International Village that doesn't represent a foreign country, and she's tired of those people getting special treatment. Who do you suppose "those people" are? (Hint: It's not "Swedes.")

I don't suppose it occurs to this Gentle Reader that International Village exists to exhibit non-American cultures.

I don't suppose that it occurs that the entire United States of America is a daily exhibition of American culture.

I don't suppose that she ever considered that although we can see American culture anywhere in (surprise!) America, most people are unlikely to see tambura players or Polish folk dancers outside of International Village.

Nevertheless, I really liked her letter. Especially the thinly-concealed racism, because it's nice to see that the more things change, the more they stay the same.

I also enjoyed the lady's obvious scorn and contempt for the very mission of International Village, because it's important to remember that no matter how nice something is for the community, there's always someone who can find something to complain about.

And the fact that she's heaping scorn on an ethnic festival because it doesn't recognize "American" as an ethnicity just makes the festival a little bit sweeter, in my opinion.

After all, you can't appreciate a rose garden if you don't occasionally grab a thorn and feel a little prick.

In the meantime, I sure hope that lady loosens up her gingham bonnet. I think she's cut off the circulation to her brain.

. . .

Kennywood's open! (Seriously, pull up your fly.) Also, the amusement park with the same name opens for the season on Saturday, just in case you've been living under a rock and missed the stories in the local media. Hours are limited to this Saturday and next Friday and Saturday; daily operations begin Wednesday, May 16.

Kennywood's newest ride is called the Vomitron ... er, I mean, the Spin 'n Hurl ... sorry about that, the "Cosmic Chaos." It's a UFO-themed ride that, according to the park's website, "seats 24 people on a giant disk which begins its untamed flight along the 120â concave track while its passengers spin around in circle. The result? An experience that offers guests an 'out of the world' experience!"

No, the real result is that your lunch takes wing. But some people like that sort of thing. Just save the fries, corn dogs, pizza, ice cream, cotton candy and caramel corn for afterward. (Me? I'll be on the Cadillacs in Kiddie Land. Speaking of Kiddie Land, there's a new ride there, too, called the "S.S. Kenny.")

Incidentally, Kennywood Entertainment has just added its second park outside of Pennsylvania. The Manchester, N.H., Union Leader and other newspapers report that Story Land in Glen, N.H., has been acquired by the West Mifflin-based, family-owned company for (as usual) an "undisclosed amount."

In addition to Kennywood, Sandcastle and Idlewild, Kennywood Entertainment also owns Lake Compounce in Bristol, Conn., which bills itself as the nation's oldest continuously-operated amusement park. It recently marked its 160th anniversary. By comparison, Story Land is a relative youngster, having been founded in 1954.

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To Do This Weekend: The McKeesport Symphony Orchestra closes its 2006-07 season on Saturday with a concert featuring the winners of its Young Artists Competition and student musicians side-by-side with its own professional performers. I went last year and had a great time. The curtain rises inside the auditorium of McKeesport Area High School, 1960 Eden Park Blvd., at 7:30 p.m. Call (412) 664-2854. ... McKeesport Little Theater, Coursin and Bailey avenues, presents the classic comedy Arsenic and Old Lace at 8 p.m. Friday and Saturday and 2 p.m. Sunday. Call (412) 673-1100.