November 11, 2005

Now Boarding for Sign Off and Tails Out

Alert Reader Alycia the Stunt Violist reports that she recently rode a Port Authority bus to "BLANK SIGN." I've never been to "BLANK SIGN," though I have ridden buses to "SEE SIGN BELOW." The drivers just gave me funny looks when I asked the precise whereabouts of "SEE SIGN BELOW."

Also, the buses to "CHARTERED," "OUT OF SERVICE" and "TRAINING" never seem to stop, and they won't let you ride to "WEST MIFFLIN GARAGE," no matter how nicely you ask.

Along the same lines, the two TV programs I always wanted to see when I was a kid were listed in the paper as "To Be Announced," which I suspect was a variety show, and "Sign-Off," which I envisioned as a talk show, hosted by someone like Joe Pyne --- sweaty, chain-smoking cigarettes, and railing at the world.

But I never was allowed to stay up and see those, and I don't see them listed in the paper any more. Maybe they've been cancelled. Or maybe they survive in late-night reruns on the stations in Chartered and See Sign Below.

All this reminds me of a story I've heard from friends in broadcasting. It supposedly happened at WDUQ-FM, when that was still primarily a college station operated by students at Duquesne University. It seems one night a DJ didn't show up to do his show. Luckily, there was an emergency program on a reel-to-reel tape, wound (as many broadcast reels are) with the end hanging out to protect the tape from damage.

So the DJ who was leaving cued up the tape, gave the station ID, and then confidently announced the name of the program, which he read from the box: "And now, 'Tails Out.'" And if you haven't already guessed it, melborp eht dexif dna gnorw saw tahw tuo derugif enoemos litnu sdrawkcab gninnur cisum fo setunim ynam revewoh txen eht draeh srenetsil.

I hope that story's true, because as Doug Hoerth says, it's too beautiful to be a lie.

Sorry that the Almanacking has been kind of light lately, but I'm still busier than a one-armed paperhanger. The Christmas decorations are already up on Fifth Avenue in Our Fair City. In fact, they were up at National City Bank (the old WPNB main office at Fifth and Walnut, and before that, the First National Bank of McKeesport) about two weeks ago.

A cynic would ask if it really serves any purpose to decorate a business district that is now, by and large, devoid of business. Not me. I like seeing the holly (artificial) and the lights back on the street poles. I'd really like to see some stores on the sidewalks and some shoppers, too, but I'm realistic enough to understand that the days when Fifth Avenue was going to come back as a retail core are probably well behind us.

Lysle Boulevard still has potential, I think, that hasn't been realized --- the stretch between Huey and Sinclair streets, for instance, is almost unused. That block includes the Central Station post office, the old David Israel store, the Amvets, Photographics Supply, the old Helmstadter's store (which was damaged by fire earlier this week) and the old Murphy's home office. I'm not sure if any of those buildings are worth saving, but if they are, then new entrances should probably be built facing Lysle. And there had better be free parking nearby.

I suspect stores and restaurants that catered to people working for EchoStar would do well there. It's a shame that the old Murphy office is now being used for warehousing, something that doesn't attract foot traffic, and something better suited for the outskirts of town --- not the central business district --- though I suppose it beats having another empty building.

By the way, the "CONDEMNED" placard on the Penn-McKee still depresses me every time I see it. And makes me a little mad. With the marina nearby, there's no reason that building should still be empty. If it were in Shadyside or Squirrel Hill, a building like the Penn-McKee would be in demand for loft apartments or senior citizen housing. I'm not sure why people buy buildings to leave them empty --- speculating on Mon-Yough urban real estate wouldn't seem to be a lucrative past time --- but it's a problem up and down our river valleys.

Here's hoping that we don't soon see a "CONDEMNED" placard on the People's Bank Building when the city treasurer's office moves out.

...

Local News You May Have Missed:

• Ed Blank of the Tribune-Review reports that an independent filmmaking team, including the son of George Romero, is going to use the vacant former Loews movie theater in North Versailles Township as a soundstage for a movie.

The Loews closed about two years after it opened on the site of the old Greater Pittsburgh Drive-In Theater, and the only thing it's been used for recently has been a flea market and a haunted house at Halloween. Maybe someone should tear it down and put up a drive-in.

The real question, of course, is whether any of the big chains (like Loews) will show the film once it's completed, since they tend to almost exclusively show extravagant and overwrought Hollywood dreck. (As opposed to small, independently produced dreck.)

• Speaking of Loews: I predict the days are numbered for the Loews Waterfront, and not in real large numbers, either, unless something drastic happens to turn that megaplex around. It's been crowded full of noisy, poorly behaved teen-agers since it opened (which led to the decision earlier this year to require them to be accompanied by adults after 5 p.m.).

A fatal shooting inside the theater on Tuesday night is just about the worst thing that could have happened, and the negative stigma attached to the theater is eventually going to hurt other merchants in the shopping center. I imagine some heated conversations have already been held between the Waterfront's management and Loews. At what point will the theater chain just cut its losses and close the place down?

(I found the comments of a Loews' spokesperson delightfully idiotic and disingenuous. "(We) want to assure moviegoers that this was an extremely rare and isolated incident," he said. Well, no kidding. I thought people were being gunned down inside your theaters every day. Thanks for the tip.)

• Marsha Forys reports in the Trib that the plans for a new school in the Hahntown part of North Huntingdon are complete. It could be ready by 2007, pending approval by the township commissioners. Meanwhile, Casey Harper, owner of the C. Harper car dealerships, has been elected to the Norwin School Board.

• Tuesday was probably the last time voters in Allegheny and Westmoreland counties will pull a lever to vote. The federal government is forcing all local election boards to scrap mechanical voting machines in favor of new systems.

One problem not covered in an otherwise interesting Trib story by Rich Cholodofsky: Many of the new electronic systems being marketed provide no paper trail for recounts or audits, and a few can easily be hacked. Read more at Verified Voting and Black Box Voting.

...

To Do This Weekend: McKeesport Little Theater presents "Come Back, Little Sheba," 8 p.m. tonight and Saturday and 2 p.m. Sunday. Call (412) 673-1100. ... The Monte Carlo Night scheduled for Saturday to benefit Carnegie Free Library of McKeesport has been canceled. Call (412) 672-0625 for details ... CCAC South Campus Theater, 1750 Clairton Road, West Mifflin, presents the play "Inspecting Carol" at 8 p.m. tonight and Saturday. Call (412) 469-6220.

Posted at 07:17 am by jt3y
Filed Under: default | one comment | Link To This Entry