October 06, 2006

Pet Peeves: Today's List

Lazy Reporters: My friend, the late Dick Cadwallader, a longtime curmudgeon who mentored me in the ways of misanthropy, once cautioned me never to become an "expert" in anything. "An 'ex' is a former nothing, and a 'spurt' is a little squirt," he said. I have tried to remain a dilettante ever since.

That hasn't stopped a number of reporters from contacting me to interview me as an "expert" on various issues ... based solely on opinions expressed in the Almanac.

The latest was a reporter from National By-God Public Radio, who wanted my "expert" opinion on a bill before the Pennsylvania General Assembly. I kid you not. I didn't even return the message.

Here's a hint: Just because some jerk can afford a modem and a computer, and can start a website, does not make him an expert on anything.

At best, he might be a frustrated former newspaper reporter who gets his jollies by still playing "journalist" once in a while, and who does (more or less) actual research.

At worst, he might be a complete flake. (I'll leave you to decide which one I am.)

Look, if I write about something --- whether in my professional life or when I'm spouting off on the Almanac --- I generally try to look up a few facts and get some actual information. Call me old fashioned, but it's kind of my job.

So, please, reporters: Don't be so damned lazy. Your job doesn't begin and end when you punch a few terms into Google and find some jerk with a blog.

You're a reporter: Go report something.

. . .

Kamikaze Bicyclists: I try to sympathize with bicyclists who complain about the condition of our local roads, and how unfriendly they are to bikes. Hell, they're unfriendly to cars and pedestrians, too. And people using the local bike trails are one of the few sources of tourism money in Our Fair City.

But I've had it up to my eye balls with the kamikazes who populate some roads.

Look, when you're operating a bicycle on a public thoroughfare, you're expected to behave according to the same rules of the road as a motorized vehicle:

(a) General rule.--Every person riding a pedalcycle upon a roadway shall be granted all of the rights and shall be subject to all of the duties applicable to the driver of a vehicle by this title, except as to special provisions in this subchapter and except as to those provisions of this title which by their nature can have no application. (75 Pa. C.S. 3501)

Cripes, most of us learned that in elementary school! That means stopping at stop signs and red traffic signals, obeying one-way street rules ... and not plowing through crosswalks while people are crossing.

One of these biking nitwits nearly ran me down the other day as I crossed the street, legally, on a green light. He came charging through a red light, right at me ... and apparently didn't have any brakes. I reached out my right hand and caught the center of his handlebars just before he ran me down.

"Whoa," he said. "Sorry, dude."

"Sorry, dude"? You could have broken my head, you jerk, and I need it! (It keeps my ears the proper distance apart.)

Worse yet is the current trend of bike riders to use sidewalks instead of streets. I understand that we don't have very many dedicated bike lanes --- we should, where space permits --- but that doesn't mean you're supposed to ride on the sidewalk. In fact, riding a bike on the sidewalk is verboten, too:

(b) Business districts. -- A person shall not ride a pedalcycle upon a sidewalk in a business district unless permitted by official traffic-control devices, nor when a usable pedalcycle-only lane has been provided adjacent to the sidewalk. (75 Pa. C.S. 3508)

Twice recently I've nearly been run down while strolling along, minding my own business, on a sidewalk. There's a shouted "onyouright!" and then whoosh! comes some clown on a mountain bike. If I had a cane, I'd stick it through the spokes.

If you're going to ride on the sidewalk, dimwits, then I reserve the right to drive on your bike trails. So if you see a Mercury Grand Marquis hauling tail and spraying gravel down the Yough River Trail some weekend, that'll be me. I'll stick my head out the window, though, as I pass: "Onyouright!"

. . .

Other Wheeled Menaces: I know a business owner in Elizabeth Township who's had to make hundreds of dollars in repairs to the walls and steps outside his building because of damage caused by skateboarders.

My employer recently was forced to install stainless steel clips over the edges of the marble sills, walls and flowerpots around one of its buildings because these shredding goons were ruining them.

And then I read a story like this one in a local college newspaper, and my blood boils. According to this writer (who's admittedly closer in age to most skateboarders than I am), skateboarders just want to have fun, but they keep getting harassed by police and "skater-haters."

Well, no offense, but they get harassed because so many skaters behave like jerks. I frequently walk through the area where the skaters in this story hang out --- the curbs are ruined. The walls are ruined. The sidewalks are completely blackened in places.

Some of the skaters weave and dodge through pedestrians and passing cars, daring them to hit them. And if you dare to say something, you get "a frosty glare from the curb and two middle fingers," as the story puts it.

Too many skaters are thugs and vandals who aren't paying taxes, who are disrespectful to people who live in the neighborhood or have legitimate business nearby, and they're destroying other people's property --- and I'm supposed to feel sorry for them? Feh.

That's right: Feh, say I!

I hope they collide with a kamikaze bicyclist who's on his way to write a newspaper story based on something he saw on a blog. That'll teach 'em.

. . .

There are many other minor, petty annoyances that cause me to become irrationally irritated, but "Wheel of Fortune" will be on soon, and my mush is getting cold.

. . .

To Do This Weekend: Two big high school football games this weekend. Bethel Park comes to Our Fair City tonight having won three in a row. Both teams are undefeated in the conference; the Tigers are 4-1 overall. Kickoff at Weigle-Schaeffer Memorial Stadium is 7:30 tonight. ... Meanwhile, my alma mater has a must-win game tonight that could decide its conference championship as Serra travels to Beth-Center, also for a 7:30 p.m. kickoff. Both teams are currently undefeated ... Pittsburgh Area Jitterbug Club holds its regular dance at the Palisades, Fifth Avenue at Water Street, at 8 p.m. Saturday. Call (412) 366-2138.

Posted at 07:26 am by jt3y
Filed Under: default | two comments | Link To This Entry

October 02, 2006

Important Announcement

We all know, now, that the Internet is not a truck. It's a series of tubes. And it's clear to everyone now that these Internet tubes are just going to keep becoming larger and larger.

In fact, Dr. Pica Pole, director of the Tube City Online Research Laboratory, predicts that soon Internet tubes will be as large as the Squirrel Hill Tunnel, connecting computers with upward of 50,000 transistors each that are capable of reading up to 800 80-column punch cards per minute. (Dr. Pica Pole has been hitting the sauce pretty heavily.)

Because of this, I've been considering adding some more ... er ... well, commercial activities to the website, as well as multimedia. Right now, Tube City Online is stuck in 1996, design-wise. I suspect I'll be dragging it all the way up to, say, 1999. Maybe January 2000.

Since the Dementia server --- where Tube City Online has been hosted for free for all of these years --- isn't a commercial server, this all means I need to seek commercial webhosting. High school classmate Tom Schroll, currently operating a small webhost company called Skymagik Internet Services, has agreed to start hosting Tube City Online.

That means I had to select a URL for the site. After thinking about it for upwards of 10 seconds, tubecityonline.com was purchased. (Don't bother visiting it just yet --- there's just some things up there for testing purposes only.)

What does this mean to you, our loyal if not particularly interested reader?

Very soon, pages currently hosted at mckeesport.dementia.org are going to be duplicated at tubecityonline.com. Then, many web addresses at mckeesport.dementia.org will start redirecting to addresses tubecityonline.com. (The Almanac will land at www.tubecityonline.com/blog, for instance.)

Eventually, you are going to have to update any links you have to the Almanac and other features, but not just yet.

And what types of spiffy new features do we envision? Well, I mentioned audio. Some of you know that I dabble in local radio. Here's a little something I put together for a show two weeks ago. (You'll need to have Quicktime installed.)

Posted at 07:54 am by jt3y
Filed Under: default | three comments | Link To This Entry