January 03, 2008

15 Percent of Squat

Now that the holidays are finally over (well, not if you're Russian Orthodox) I feel free to vent about something that bugs me.

What's the deal with holiday tipping?

Every December, newspapers run stories (usually syndicated features) [1, 2] advising how much you should offer as a "Christmas tip" for people like the letter carrier, trash hauler, bus driver, newspaper carrier, etc.

Look, I happen to think I'm pretty good tipper to waitresses, bartenders and people like my barber. (Believe me, that last guy has to work for his $8. Cutting my hair is like trying to arrange the weeds in a sidewalk.)

But I draw the line at tipping the mailman, for cripes' sake. God bless him, because he's got a difficult, tiring job that also carries some risk of injury. But it's also job for which he's well-paid, and there's no particular artistry or skill required to stick letters in a box.

Ditto for the guys who pick up my garbage. I'm grateful for them, but they always throw the cans in my neighbor's yard, and sometimes they leave the lids in the street. (Last winter, the borough's snowplow ran them over and flattened them.) I'm supposed to tip for that?

I might be willing to tip my newspaper carrier if he or she was a student. My newspaper is delivered by a guy who flings them out the car window.

If I'm going to tip them, why don't I tip Equitable Gas? I use their service every day. "Hey, here's $10, thanks for not blowing my house up." Or I could drive around until I see the sewerage department's truck and hand them $20: "I know you guys take a lot of crap. Get it? Ha ha ha!"

Nope. It may mark me as an insensitive clod, but I ain't tippin' the garbageman.

. . .

I Wish I Wrote This, Part 1: "So please, please, please, all you sports teams out there, stop with the throwback uniforms. I live in Pittsburgh, OK? Everyday in Pittsburgh is throwback day. If there's one thing we don't need, it's more throwback." --- Anthony, from Tunesmith & Anthony

. . .

I Wish I Wrote This, Part 2:: James Lileks on attending the funeral of a relative he'd never met. Starts a little slow and meanders a bit, but I felt like I needed a stiff drink (or a good cry) at the end.

. . .

Great Moments in Journalism: For heartless, penny-pinching, humorlessness, and needlessly-cruel personnel practices that would shame the Russian Army, it's hard to beat management at a newspaper or radio station.

I wrote last month about the Cincinnati Post. The last edition came out Monday.

So what were Scripps-Howard's instructions to the staff for the last day?

• Don't bring any alcohol. (Yes, we're kicking you out the door, but don't bring a bottle of wine or champagne to ease the pain.)



• We're not forwarding your email.



• Don't bother coming in after Monday, because we're throwing your personal effects in the dumpster.



• We're not allowing other reporters in the building (you know, because you might say bad things about the place to which you devoted five or 10 or 20 years of your life).



• And finally: You can take home a maximum of six extra copies of the newspaper (costing Scripps-Howard a whopping three bucks)

At one newspaper where I worked, we used to joke that personnel memos should end with the phrase, "and the beatings will continue until the morale improves." But Scripps has really outdone itself.

Scripps' motto is "Give light, and the people will find their own way." They even used to have a giant lighthouse on top of the Pittsburgh Press Building.

I have a better logo for them. It's a fist extending one finger. Guess which one.

Posted at 12:06 pm by Jason Togyer
Filed Under: Alleged Journalism, General Nonsense | No comments | Link To This Entry

January 01, 2008

You've Got Questions, They've Got Cell Phones

It was a little quiet around here last week (too quiet, as they say in the cowboy movies).

The reason (besides plain old laziness) was simple. I've seen the server logs for tubecityonline.com, and traffic plummets on weekends and during holidays. (It's not exactly the most popular website in the world anyway.)

That tells me, by the way, that a lot of you are reading The Almanac at work. Just wait'll I tell your boss.

But I've been around, and I hope your Christmas and New Year's were pleasant.

. . .

Remember recently when I ranted a bit about locally owned businesses that ignore their customers? Allow me to vent my spleen at a national business that does the same thing.

My brother has a birthday, and I had two great, can't-miss ideas for presents. He's become a hockey fan in the last couple of years, so my first idea was to snag a couple of tickets to a Penguins game for him and his buddies.

Ha ha ha! Did I and Ticketmaster have a nice chuckle over that one. For the remainder of the season, they have almost nothing available except for $40 "standing-room only" tickets. And even then they can't guarantee you won't have an obstructed view.

. . .

Basically, if you buy any Pens tickets from Ticketmaster right now, you're paying $40 for the right to visit the Mellon Arena.

That's some racket they've got. Have I mentioned lately that your tax money is financing a new arena? I can't wait to see what ticket prices are in the new joint.

Yeah, I could have dealt with one of those ticket brokers that advertises in the back of the newspaper classifieds, or as I call them, "thieves." Look, I love my brother, but I wasn't planning to declare bankruptcy in 2008.

. . .

My second idea for a present was ... well, I'm not going to say, exactly. But what I wanted to buy him is sold by a large, publicly-traded national chain, and the description of the product is in the chain's name.

I visited a few of the bigger Mon Valley outlets of this national chain, and looked for the product that's in its name. They didn't have any.

I finally asked a clerk, "Where are the (products in the name of the store)?"

. . .

The clerk said: "Oh, we sold out at Christmas. Would you like to buy a (completely different product) instead?"

"No," I said. "Are you getting any more (products in the name of the store)?"

"I dunno," he said, "but you can order one from our website."

"Do you only carry one variety of (products in the name of the store) now?" I asked.

"We carry a couple of different ones on the website," he said, "but we only carry one model in the store now."

. . .

Picture this scenario: You go into Pizza Hut and order a pizza.

"We're out of pizza," the waitress says. "Would you like spaghetti?"

"No, I want pizza," you say. "This is Pizza Hut."

"We sold out of pizza," she says. "But you can go to our website and order a pizza, and they'll ship it to you."

Look, I don't like Pizza Hut's pizza that much. If I have to look somewhere else for a pizza, I'll get a better one, and I sure won't waste my time with Pizza Hut any more.

. . .

That's why my brother is going to get his birthday present a little bit late, and I hope he understands.

I wound up ordering a better (product in the name of the large national chain) from one of the large, national chain's competitors ... an independent retailer called Universal Radio in Reynoldsburg, Ohio.

And --- by the way --- Universal is a locally owned business. (They're "local" to Central Ohio, that's all.)

I've bought from Universal before, and if you have a gadget buff in your family who might like a nice AM/FM portable, or a digital shortwave set, or something similar, I wouldn't hesitate to recommend them.

And as far as Radio Shack goes, they can kiss my Hungarian butt in 2008.

. . .

You, on the other hand, have my very sincerest wishes for a safe, happy and prosperous New Year.

I have some big plans for tubecityonline.com and The Almanac this year, so stay tuned.

Posted at 4:00 pm by Jason Togyer
Filed Under: General Nonsense | two comments | Link To This Entry