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December 20, 2007

Democracy Just Doesn't Work

Remember when I said that West Mifflin Borough Council might lose its favorite whipping boy when Kennywood was sold to the Spanish company Parques Reunidos?

Well, they're still getting their licks in.

According to a front-page story in Wednesday's Daily News, Kennywood is responsible for a 1-mill property tax increase that West Mifflin council approved Tuesday night.

West Mifflin levies a 5 percent amusement tax, but has only been collecting it from Kennywood Park and not from other amusement activities, such as video games and movie theaters. That's resulted in a two-year lawsuit against the borough by Kennywood in which the park alleges the borough is selectively enforcing the law, in violation of the U.S. and Pennsylvania constitutions.

Several council members in West Mifflin, reports the News, are claiming that Kennywood's failure to shut up and pay the tax has left a hole in the borough's budget, and is forcing them to raise taxes.

However, a source has slipped me a top-secret, internal document, apparently from West Mifflin Council, that outlines all of the other things for which the borough is planning to hold Kennywood responsible:

  • Potholes on Commonwealth Avenue


  • The closing of "Paule's Lookout"


  • The Chick-Fil-A on Route 51 serving "dry biscuits"


  • That yucky skin that forms on the top of pudding


  • Canker sores


  • Vince Vaughan movies, up to and including Fred Claus


  • A second shooter on the grassy knoll


In the meantime, none of the following things have apparently resulted in increased property taxes paid by West Mifflin residents:



Oh, yeah, and one more thing definitely didn't result in increased taxes for West Mifflin taxpayers:

  • The failure to fairly enforce the amusement tax, resulting in a lawsuit filed by Kennywood


In conclusion, borough council's management of West Mifflin's finances has not resulted in a tax increase. But Kennywood's ridiculous insistence that laws be fairly and uniformly enforced has resorted in a tax increase.

Also, it was very, very classy for certain West Mifflin councilors to refer to Councilman Richard Olasz Sr., who has taken Kennywood's side in this dispute, as "Señor Olasz" during Tuesday's council meeting. And no, I am not making that up.

Damn you, Kennywood!

(more)

Posted at 12:00 am by Jason Togyer
Filed Under: Good Government On The March | seven comments | Link To This Entry

December 19, 2007

This Just In!

Kennywood spent a lot of time last week assuring Pittsburghers that nothing was going to change when the park is sold to a Spanish company next year.

Oh, yeah? Well, take a look at what I bought Tuesday night in a Hallmark card store in West Mifflin:


As you probably know, Garfield is the official cartoon mascot of Kennywood, and now our new conquistadors have got him speaking some kind of weird Spanish propaganda, probably hoping to soften us up for their upcoming invasion. (Poor Garfield. All he wanted is a nap, and some lasagna. Now he's the Manchurian Candidate. Or something like that.)

The inquisitors are probably already putting Kenny Kangaroo on the rack. (And I'll bet they've got the comfy chair, too.)

Remember the Maine! Remember the Alamo! And don't fire until you see los blancos de sus ojos!

. . .

But Seriously, Folks: OK, so here's the translation: "I think I've finally found my calling ... I mean, what other job requires you to be overweight and work only once a year? Merry Christmas!"

It's from Hallmark's "Sinceramente" line, and yes, you can buy them in Mon-Yough area Hallmark stores.

The Kennywood sale is just a coincidence, I'm sure. (Or at least that's what they want you to think.)

Actually, I happen to think it's pretty cool that we finally have enough Spanish speakers to justify stocking Spanish-language cards in the Hallmark stores (they also have Christmas cards in Mandarin and Vietnamese, but indicative of Pittsburgh's heritage, the selection of cards in Eastern European languages is still large, too).

. . .

P.S.: UPDATE: Cyrus of "The Lair of the Okapi" says I'm a "xenophobe" and "small-minded."

I happen to know that my mind is average-sized. Or at least my skull is. I take a size 7-1/8 Bailey Hat.

However, I will admit to being a xenophobe. Lucy Lawless could beat the crud out of me.

. . .

In Other News: And now, to quote Rocket J. Squirrel (who's still proudly American, as far as I know), here's something we hope you'll really like.

The McKeesport Symphony Orchestra announced Saturday night that its May 17 concert is tentatively slated to be a "pops" concert featuring vocals by Jimmy Beaumont and The Skyliners.

If it happens, it should be a great show. (It's already been posted on the Skyliners' website, so I don't think it's a secret.) The MSO would like to make this a sell-out concert, so if you've never seen the orchestra because you "don't like classical music," this would be a good concert to start with.

By the way: Despite lousy weather, attendance was reasonably good at Saturday's Christmas concert. The MSO offered its usual solid performance, with vocal help in the second part of the bill from the McKeesport Area Community Choir, an amalgam of singers from several Mon-Yough area choruses.

Between the halves, members of the Mon Valley Youth Orchestra gave a brief recital under the direction of Kevin King.

Hey, even if you're not a big classical music fan (I can barely tell my Bach from a hole in the ground), you ought to consider attending the MSO's next regularly scheduled concert on Saturday, March 8, at McKeesport Area High School.

It's an inexpensive way to hear great music (both new and old pieces) performed by local professional musicians, and you don't have pay for parking in Downtown Pittsburgh.

Tickets for either the March 8 concert or the May 17 concert with the Skyliners are available at the MSO website, or call (412) 664-2854 for more information.

Posted at 12:29 am by Jason Togyer
Filed Under: General Nonsense, Mon Valley Miscellany | one comment | Link To This Entry

December 18, 2007

Baby, If You've Ever Wondered

Two people have asked me recently if I've been writing anonymous messages on a web page devoted to "Pittsburgh media gossip."

I'm not sure whether to be flattered or insulted. (I'm going to go with "insulted.")

Rest assured that if I have something nasty to say about the media, I'm going to sign it, and say it right here. I do it all the time. Like, for instance, right now.

. . .

During Thanksgiving week, I started receiving the Post-Gazette, which was strange, because I didn't ask for a subscription. At first, I assumed it was one of those promotional deals, where they give you "sample" copies of the paper. Then they offer you a subscription at some fantastically low price.

(The P-G's subscription offers are never quite as good as the Tribune-Review's subscription offers, however. For a while you could subscribe to the Trib for 26 weeks for $9.99. Now I think they'll actually pay you to get the paper.)

At first, I actually found myself sitting down to read the dead-tree P-G over a bowl of shredded wheat. And I found myself enjoying it, to the point that I was seriously thinking about subscribing.

And then on Monday morning I received a bill. In the name of the person I bought my house from three years ago.

I suppose this could be an accident --- maybe a computer down at 34 Boulevard of the Allies barfed up an old subscription record.

But it sure smells like a scam along the lines of those unrequested Time-Life and Reader's Digest books that used to be sent "on approval." You didn't order them, but they'd send 'em anyway --- and then Time-Life or Reader's Digest would send you a bill, hoping you'd pay it.

Well, I know damned sure I didn't order a Post-Gazette subscription in the name of someone who hasn't lived there since 2004. So the Post-Gazette can cram it with walnuts, and any lingering thought I had of subscribing to their newspaper has evaporated.

. . .

Meanwhile, my first Sunday Tribune-Review arrived last week. That's about four months after the Trib announced that all Daily News subscribers would be getting the Trib (whether they wanted it or not).

Technically, the Trib owes me 16 Sunday papers, but I didn't complain.

I would bet a pound of kolbassi from Lampert's Market, however, that the Trib was counting me as a paid Sunday subscriber even though I wasn't getting the paper. If so, that's a pretty nice racket; they boost their circulation numbers without actually spending any money printing or delivering a paper. I wonder how many other Daily News subscribers have been counted as Sunday subscribers, but weren't getting the paper?

. . .

By the way, if you attended International Village this summer, you may have noticed the Trib was manning a booth and selling subscriptions to the Sunday paper.

About a week later, the Trib announced that Daily News subscribers would start getting the Sunday Trib (theoretically, at least) for no additional cost.

Several little birdies complained privately to Tube City Almanac that they felt a little bit cheated.

. . .

I did subscribe to another newspaper recently. And they didn't have to solicit me at all.

Two weeks ago I started receiving the Cincinnati Post. There will be a brief pause while you say: "Huh?"

I do have distant kin in the Cincy area, and I do visit there at least once a year, but that's not why I ordered it. The Post announced earlier this year that it was closing Dec. 31, and I decided to subscribe for historical purposes.

(Before you ask, they mail it, duh. It would be a long way for a little kid to pedal his bicycle.)

Like the old Pittsburgh Press, the Post is an afternoon newspaper, owned by Scripps-Howard. Big-city afternoon papers have been struggling for at least 30 years, mainly due to competition from TV news and the difficulty of delivering the paper in afternoon traffic. Plus, many people don't have time after work to sit and read the paper; they're working a second job, raising their kids, or shopping and running errands.

. . .

Since the Post is doomed at the end of the month, I expected it to be a fairly cheerless paper. In fact, it's quite interesting and lively, considering the fact that I don't live in Cincinnati. Maybe the reporters and editors are living it up before the end.

For whatever reason, I'm enjoying the Post more than I've ever enjoyed the competing morning paper, the Cincinnati Enquirer, which has been relentlessly dull whenever I've seen it.

I also expected the Post to be devoid of advertising, since Scripps has complained that the Post isn't economically viable. But it's got plenty of ads. Maybe that's because of the Christmas holiday, which is traditionally a big time for newspaper advertising.

Anyway, I'm left with the suspicion that "not economically viable" actually means "profitable, but not capable of a big enough profit margin." Scripps seems to be focusing its energies on its electronic properties, which include such bastions of journalistic excellence as HGTV, the Food Network, and Shopzilla.

. . .

One thing I did notice about the Cincy Post: Although the local content is generally quite good, the paper is full of canned wire service content. That's hardly a problem just in Cincinnati; the two Pittsburgh dailies have the same weakness. So do a lot of papers, nationwide.

That made some sense 50 years ago, when most people's main source of world and national news was the newspaper. It makes no sense in an era of 24-hour daily news channels and the Internet. Why should I read a two-day old AP dispatch on that mall shooting in Nebraska, when I can go to the Omaha World-Herald's website and read their coverage?

I don't know what would have saved the Cincinnati Post --- maybe nothing --- but I'm sure the business model of "yesterday's news tomorrow" wasn't viable.

. . .

The Tribune-Review has just gone one better (or is that worse?). In their free afternoon paper, Trib PM (not available in the Mon Valley, so far as I know), they're now reprinting stories from the Carbolic Smoke Ball on Mondays.

Good for the CSB, but I can't imagine who that's aimed at. If you like the CSB, you're reading it online. You're hardly going to wait to read it in print on Mondays. And if you've already seen the stories online, then the Trib PM's reprint is a complete waste of space.

Can anything save printed newspapers? I'd sure like to think so.

But trying to trick people into subscribing isn't going to do it. Trying to fudge the circulation numbers isn't going to do it. And reprinting blog content that's several days old isn't going to do it.

. . .

Like other businesses, newspapers close all the time. In the last 50 years, we've lost some really good ones (the Philadelphia Evening Bulletin, the Chicago Daily News, the New York Herald Tribune) and plenty of mediocre ones.

They've closed for many different reasons. Usually a stronger newspaper pushed them out of the market. (Union trouble helped close the Herald Tribune, as memorably recounted in Richard Kluger's book, The Paper.)

What's different now is that almost all U.S. newspapers are losing circulation and advertising at the same time, and there's lots of wailing and moaning about the imminent death of the entire industry.

But old-fashioned newspapers generate about $48 billion in revenue annually, according to Time, so I suspect that there is still a sizable market for news delivered in "ink on paper."

And perhaps newspaper circulation is slipping because readers have wised up to the concept of "charging more and lowering the quality."

If I'm right, then the newspaper business isn't dying, it's committing suicide. I don't know that I can have much sympathy for newspaper companies in that case.

For now, I'm just going to regard my daily, unrequested Post-Gazette as a free gift. I only wish Equitable Gas would make the same mistake. I could go for a few free months at this time of year.

Posted at 12:29 am by Jason Togyer
Filed Under: Alleged Journalism, Local Businesses, Mon Valley Miscellany | No comments | Link To This Entry

December 17, 2007

Holiday Observance

As you probably know, whenever a national holiday falls on a weekend, Americans get Monday off. (It's in the Constitution, I think.)

That's why Tube City Almanac is taking today off, in observance of Hanna-Barbera Day.

To mark this occasion, take time to run past the same rock, tree or window four or five times in a row. When you start running, make sure there are bongo drums on the soundtrack.

You might also want to talk to your wacky sidekick (ably voiced by Daws Butler). Make sure that only your mouth moves when you're talking. Also, whenever you walk somewhere, don't swing your arms.

Why are we celebrating "Hanna-Barbera Day"? I'm glad you asked.

Dec. 14 was the 50th anniversary of the debut of Bill Hanna and Joseph Barbera's first cartoon series created expressly for TV, "Ruff and Reddy."

I've pulled together all of the details for this week's installment of "Monday Morning Nostalgia Fix" over at Pittsburgh Radio & TV Online.

And now, if you'll excuse me, I think I smell a pic-a-nic basket ....

Posted at 12:00 am by Jason Togyer
Filed Under: Cartoons, General Nonsense | two comments | Link To This Entry

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