That's not my "economic stimulus" check. It's worse. Much worse.

It's the second year in a row that I've received a $1 check from the gubmint for overpaying my taxes.

I may be the last person in the world who still does his own 1040 form, by hand, without help from a computer program.

And for the third consecutive year, I've screwed it up. Three years ago, I got a cream-colored "FOR OFFICIAL USE ONLY" envelope from the IRS and nearly soiled myself. I looked like Ralph Kramden. Did they find out about the statue with the clock in its stomach that I won at the Raccoon Lodge Christmas party?

No, but I was being asked to submit a check for $6 to the IRS, because I had underpaid my taxes.

Then, last year and this year, I got back $1 for overpaying.

God is trying to tell me to have someone else do my income taxes next year.

But look at it this way. H&R Block this year charged the average consumer more than $172 to prepare their taxes. TurboTax costs $45.

Between the $6 extra I owed in 2006, and the $2 I got back this year and last year, I'm only down $4, instead of $45 or maybe $172.

Maybe the money I'm saving should go into some remedial math classes, because clearly I need them.

. . .

Speaking of remedial math, state Rep. Jim Casorio, Democrat from Irwin, doesn't need any math help.

Casorio can figure out that the $3.2 million that North Huntingdon's taxpayers cough up for police protection is a lot more than the $0 that neighboring Hempfield Township pays.

In case you didn't realize it, Hempfield --- which has more residents than both North Huntingdon and McKeesport, more than Monroeville and White Oak combined --- doesn't have its own local police and doesn't spend a nickel for protection, except what all state residents pay in Pennsylvania taxes.

According to the Penn State Data Center, there are only 20 communities in Pennsylvania that have a larger population than Hempfield.

As for municipalities with more than 10,000 residents, only four occupy more square miles (76.6) than Hempfield. (It's even larger, by area, than Pittsburgh.)

Yes, assuming you live in a community with a police department, you pay for the police needs of Hempfield's 41,000, mostly white, middle-class residents.

That's why Casorio and state Rep. John Pallone of New Kensington have introduced legislation that would obligate communities with more than 10,000 residents to create their own local police forces, or pony up $100 per person to pay for state police protection.

. . .

Of course, Hempfield and Unity township officials can also do remedial math. And they're complaining that Casorio's proposal would put an unfair burden on their residents.

"If the state finds a need that they need to increase the state police complement, then the state should of itself fairly find a way of supporting that, not penalizing some residents of the state of Pennsylvania or some municipalities of the state of Pennsylvania, and not others," Hempfield Supervisor Doug Weimer told the Tribune-Review.

"Penalizing" them! Wow!

These same officials attracted many of their new residents to their townships over the past 20 years by "keeping their taxes low."

Well, sure, it's easy to keep taxes low when everyone else is subsidizing your costs.

I found it interesting to learn that about 56 percent of Hempfield residents are registered Republicans.

That means many of them also write letters to the Trib complaining loudly about welfare and Medicaid recipients who are "sponging" off the government.

. . .

I'd like to propose a compromise. Hempfield and Unity township can continue to get free police protection, but all cars registered in Hempfield and Unity will have to carry a bumper sticker that says "WELFARE RECIPIENT."

And signs will be erected at the township borders that read, "HOME OF THE PARASITES."

"Political analysts" are already predicting this bill won't go anywhere, because legislators who represent welfare capitals like Hempfield will be afraid to vote for it.

But good for Casorio and Pallone for putting their cards on the table.

As for Unity and Hempfield: What a bunch of whiny deadbeats.

If you're so broke, I'll send you my $1 tax rebate. It's the least I can do ... and it's about all I'm willing to do.