Tube City Almanac

November 20, 2008

Controlled Burn

Category: Commentary/Editorial, Sarcastic? Moi?, Satire || By

By ETAOIN SHRDLU
Almanac Staff Whiner

The Wallboard Township volunteer fire department was dispatched Wednesday night to a reported structure fire threatening neighboring homes.

Engines 435-1 and 435-2 responded to the scene on Michigan Avenue.

When crews arrived, they found two houses burning and a third beginning to smolder.

According to witnesses at the scene, a dispute arose over whether the department should extinguish the blaze.

"The houses are built of wood," Fire Chief George Bushevich said. "They're liable to just catch fire again."

Many firefighters agreed, saying that the homeowners should have built their houses out of fire retardant material.

"I remember, back in the 1970s, I lived in a house like that, and it caught fire," Fire Capt. Chris Dodderoli said.

One of the homeowners, Bill Crysler, countered that he bought his house --- built in the 1920s --- from its second owner.

"I didn't have any choice in how the house was built," Crysler told fire crews. "I had to take it as-is."

But Bushevich pointed out that the risks of wooden houses have long been known.

"It's not our fault," he said. "Don't expect to call the fire department to solve your problems."

Bushevich blamed the homeowners for storing things like old Christmas decorations, newspapers to be recycled, and left over lumber, all of which are combustible.

And he pointed out that in neighboring Sepsis Township, none of the houses were on fire.

"Why can't you be more like the people in Sepsis?" Bushevich asked Crysler and his neighbor, Gerry Modors.

By then, the third house --- owned by Hank Fjord --- had burst into flames. Embers from the burning houses had sparked several additional blazes in the neighborhood.

Bushevich and several officers of the fire department --- all of whom will retire at the end of the year --- mocked the homeowners having purchased what he called "luxuries" like a pontoon boat, an above-ground swimming pool and a gas barbecue grill, all of which were visible in the back yard.

"Sell those first, and go get some sprinklers," said fire Lt. Richard Shelbinski.

He and others argued that the township could next year appoint a blue-ribbon commission to study methods of constructing fire resistant homes.

Several junior firefighters argued that they could douse the fires first, and then argue later about the pros and cons of home construction.

But Bushevich said he would not to supply any water to those firefighters, vowing to drive the pumper away from the scene by himself, if necessary.

Firefighters cleared the scene 20 minutes later. No fire service personnel were injured.

Michigan Avenue has been declared a total loss.

Earlier on Wednesday, Wallboard Township firefighters responded to reports of flooding in the basement of the First National Bank of Sepsis on Old Pike Road.

The road was temporarily closed while fire crews levitated the building off of its foundations using medical helicopters, floor jacks and a complicated systems of cranes and pulleys.

Absorbent material has been stockpiled in the event of further flooding and several fire engines will be kept on alert to pump the basement "just in case," Bushevich said.






Your Comments are Welcome!

Meh.

Not sure if this is a continuation of this week’s earlier crusade to spend more of my kids money bailing out Detroit, but two wrongs don’t make a right. It wasn’t prudent to give money to the Financials and it’s not prudent to give it to the Big Three. Why stop socializing there? Here are a few more suggestions:

- After years of investing heavily in saltwater lobster tanks, high speed wireless internet access, and cappuccino-laden coffee casual dining experiences, supermarkets are reeling as consumers’ lust for low-margin Cheeze-like products cannot support their debt load.

- Plastic surgeons, which had been bustling until recently as they took easy money from banks to build new surgical suites for tush tucks and face lifts, are finding that hair farmers and wannabe MILFs have less money to spend on elective surgery now that they’re forced to buy Cheeze.

Life is about choices; some are good, some are bad. Just like Pirates fans in March and junkies, these corporations should’ve known better. The Big Three railed for years against better fuel economy and safety standards, mocking the Toyotas and Hondas of the world as they themselves were backing their Excursions, Escalades and Rams full of loot up to the bank. Their executives extolled the value of letting the market decide. Well it has, and like the tortoise and the hare, they’re reaping what they sowed.

“Hooray for me, and to hell with you. I got mine.”? , That’s not what this is. Keeping with the allegory/metaphor/parable/simile theme, it’s more like two kids are given big, all-day suckers. Bobby takes his and bites off a big pieces, enjoying the sugar rush. He finishes his in 20 minutes and then has nothing to show for it but a tummy ache. He looks across the sandbox at Billy, whom is still slowly licking his, having barely scratched the surface. Bobby walks over and demands that Billy stop being selfish and share his lollipop. Billy breaks a piece off, and Bobby immediately eats the whole thing and then demands another piece. As he always gets what he wants, Bobby never seems to learn.

Bankruptcy (7, 11, whatever) will be cleansing. The worthy will survive, the others won’t. If GM is liquidated, others will step up. There’s a continual need for new stuff (cars, gas grills, can openers, etc.) and if Company A goes out of business, Companies B and C can step up and make more — I think that’s a point that is seldom included when discussing the dire consequences.
Frank J. Curto - November 21, 2008



Frank, you gave the Walter Mitty in me an idea! A new car company in the Fisher Body plant. A car not only made in the US, but in Mc Keesport! How cool would that be, meh? ...oops I meant eh?
Thee Dude - November 21, 2008



Frank, I admire your faith in the power of markets. So you don’t think it was a good idea to prop up the banks and insurance companies? I appreciate you sticking to your principles.

Lots of smart people would agree with you. But history is pretty instructive otherwise: Herbert Hoover and Andrew W. Mellon were two truly brilliant administrators.

But they didn’t think government should intervene to save banks and industrial companies from collapsing, either, and they stood by their principles as the country went to hell.

I don’t think that the CEOs of GM, Ford and Chrysler shouldn’t be punished, nor do I think that we should return union auto workers to the featherbedding days of the 1950s, nor do I think that stockholders in the companies shouldn’t take a hit, too.

But a collapse of all three of the U.S. automakers would really be unprecedented.

I’m sorry, but I still think a lot of objections to aiding the U.S. auto industry are mainly emotional. They boil down to jealousy of auto worker pay and benefits.

I heard the same thing in the 1980s about the steel workers: “Let ‘em suffer! They had it too good.”

And as far as I can tell, the Pittsburgh, Youngstown and Johnstown areas still haven’t recovered.
Webmaster - November 22, 2008



Dude, I know you’re joking, but the barriers to entry in the auto business are so high that it’s almost impossible to just start a new car company.

No successful automobile company has been launched in the U.S. since the 1920s. (Chrysler was the last one, and even it was built on several other, smaller companies.)

The gap left if GM, Ford and Chrysler failed would not be filled by American industry; it would be filled by the Chinese, Korean and Indian companies.

The damage to the glass, chemical, steel and railroad industries in this country would be incredible.

I don’t hold any ill will against those companies, but I think punishing the CEOs of the Big Three and “overpaid auto workers” by saying good bye to what remains of our manufacturing base is a terrible idea.
Webmaster - November 22, 2008



And even more, this time from Ben Stein … not exactly a raging liberal:

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/11/23/business/23every.html

“Closely related is the question of the Big Three automakers. To let them fail or go through bankruptcy would be a mistake horrifyingly similar to allowing Lehman to fail, and in some ways worse. It would kick the economy to the curb, increase the dose of fear running through the nation’s bloodstream, frighten consumers from buying, choke lending, and tend to keep the economy from returning to full employment.

“I understand well the arguments against rescuing Detroit, as I have often said. But I also understand that if you have a wayward child who’s hit by a falling tree, you don’t stop to lecture her about her wayward ways. You get her to the hospital right away.

“Once we have a Treasury secretary who gets this, once we enact a stimulus package that is big enough and long-lasting enough to do the job, perhaps with Treasury rebates for buying cars, trucks, refrigerators and toasters, we can be strict with Detroit. But to add hundreds of thousands of workers from the auto sector to the jobless ranks would be suicidal during these times.”
Webmaster - November 24, 2008



From what I was reading in this morning’s Washington Post, it looks like the new administration “gets it.” We’ll see how much it helps…
Dan - November 24, 2008



A big thing to remember is the percentage of GDP that’s related to the auto industry. I’ve heard varying numbers, but suffice to say it’s around 3 – 5 percent. That’s a big chunk of GDP that would shrink. I think there are two steps to a solution:

1) Get the legacy pensions and health care costs off the company books. This was supposed to happen by 2010 by the companies making large lump sum payments to a fund controlled by the union. The government can get this started by loaning the companies the money now to make this payment and get these costs gone. Companies would be required to pay this back either by issuing the government stock grants or like a regular loan. Afterall, retirees without health care or a pension is a long term drag on the government anyway through higher medicare, medicaid, and social security.

2) A planned chapter 11 with the government guaranteeing funds to operate during the proceeding. A great deal of this can be planned ahead of time to make the period of bankruptcy as short as possible.

In any case, the auto industry will look very different after this all shakes out. It’s merely a question of how painful the shaking will be.
Dan - November 25, 2008



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