Category: Commentary/Editorial, General Nonsense || By Jason Togyer

This "Funky Winkerbean" comic from Monday's Daily News reminded me of a story. I think I can tell it now, since it's been more than a year since the incident, and I no longer work at the place where it happened.

In November 2007, a new room in Pitt's Hillman Library was created in honor of the late U.S. District Judge Jay Waldman.

The room was adjacent to a section of the library that's named after former Pennsylvania Gov. Dick Thornburgh, a friend of Waldman and a Pitt alumnus who has donated his professional papers to the university.

I was assigned to cover the dedication. I arrived early, and the very first person I saw was Gov. Thornburgh, looking exactly like ... well, like Dick Thornburgh. Maybe a teeny bit grayer. He was leaving the room as I entered.

"Good morning, governor!" I said. (Real original, right?)

He gave me a big smile. "Good morning! Thanks for coming."

. . .

Attendance at the dedication was by invitation only, because former New York Mayor Rudy Giuliani was scheduled to appear. (Both Thornburgh and Giuliani had been federal prosecutors; Giuliani served as U.S. Attorney in New York City while Thornburgh was U.S. attorney general.)

At the time, Giuliani was still running for the Republican nomination for president, and his security detail arrived a few minutes after my brief encounter with the governor.

Two uniformed police officers were placed near the entrance to the Thornburgh room, and two undergraduates were given the names of the invitees and told to make sure anyone trying to enter was on the list. I stood nearby to count the attendance.

After a few minutes, Gov. Thornburgh returned. One of the girls at the door stopped him. "Can I have your name?" she said.

. . .

Thornburgh's eyebrows shot up, and his face betrayed just the hint of a smile. "Dick Thornburgh," he said, as flatly as he could manage.

The girl looked at her clipboard and frowned. "I don't see your name on the list," she said.

At which point the former governor and I pointed at the giant photo of Thornburgh that was hanging on the wall next to the girl with the clipboard.

If I'm lyin', I'm dyin'. I think both Thornburgh and I had a hard time stifling laughter.

. . .

The moral of the story is: Why do I read "Funky Winkerbean"?

Also: I would totally vote for Dick Thornburgh if he ran for public office again.

. . .

P.S.: Giuliani only spoke for about five minutes, but managed to work at least seven references to Sept. 11, 2001, into his speech. Again, if I'm lyin', I'm dyin'. Joe Biden's joke that Giuiliani's speeches consisted solely of "a noun, a verb and '9/11'" was only a slight exaggeration.

Giuliani's first reference to the terrorist attacks came within his first three sentences, when (if I remember correctly) Giuliani managed to compare Thornburgh's response to the Three Mile Island disaster to his own management of New York City.

He followed up with remarks about how Thornburgh was a federal prosecutor who understood the need to deal harshly with criminals, just as he (Giuliani) understood the need to deal harshly with terrorists.

All I could think of was a description (I think attributed to Jimmy Breslin) of Giuliani as "a small man looking for a balcony to make speeches from."

After seeing him up close, I was delighted that Giuliani's campaign fizzled; the phrase "President Giuliani" filled with me the same amount of dread as, say, "President Blagojevich" would now.

. . .

This has been today's "brush with greatness." Join us next time, when our hero (?) discusses the time he met Don Riggs at the Westmoreland County Air Show. "Funky Winkerbean" copyright Batom Inc., all rights reserved.