Category: General Nonsense, Rants a.k.a. Commentary || By

I was in the Golden Triangle two days after the St. Patrick's Day parade, and the sidewalks on the Boulevard of the Allies were still coated with green silly string and puddles of dried barf.

No, that wasn't from people who had just seen my picture; it was the aftermath of the "family friendly" St. Patrick's Day festivities.

If that's what was left behind from a "family friendly" parade, what were "family unfriendly" parades like? Orgies from gutter to gutter? People smoking doobies as big as telephone poles? The mind reels.

. . .

In case you've ever wondered what your humble correspondent really looks like, I'll be appearing on Pennsylvania Cable Network's "Pennsylvania Books" program at 9 p.m. April 26 to discuss For the Love of Murphy's.

Yes, they've had to go pretty down far down the list for guests. Of course, I collected my usual speaking fee, which is "zero."

The scheduled air date is subject to change, depending on whether I'm preempted by something more important, such as a state Senate subcommittee hearing on the price of paper clips.

. . .

The people at PCN told me I have an excellent face for radio. Which is funny, because people in the radio business say I have a great voice for print.

. . .

Actually, everyone was extremely nice and professional, and I was flattered to be invited.

But at one point, I joked with one of the crew members, "I hope you don't get too much glare off of the top of my head."

He replied --- in all seriousness --- "Don't worry, we're using a diffuser on the lights." Sigh.

Naturally, because this is Western Pennsylvania and everyone knows everyone else, he turned out to be from Glassport. (Start singing "It's a Small World After All.")

. . .

PCN's Pittsburgh studio is located in the Post-Gazette Building at 34 Boulevard of the Allies. I don't want to say that's a depressing building, but wow. The crows perched on the third-story window ledges are a nice touch. Couldn't they afford buzzards?

The interior is really cheerful, too. The last time I saw people who looked that happy, they were loading a casket into a hearse.

. . .

Speaking of newspapers, as of last week the Daily News editorial page is apparently being produced by its parent newspaper, the Tribune-Review, and the News itself is the "McKeesport edition" of the Tribune-Review.

The biggest change so far is that News subscribers are getting daily doses of such shining beacons of editorial excellence as Michelle Malkin. Ann Coulter has also returned.

This is good news, because if there's anything that the staunchly Democratic Mon-Yough area has been crying out for, it's a more conservative editorial page in the Daily News.

It's really hard to understand why newspapers are hurting; personally, I blame Craigslist and Google. Damn you, Internets!

. . .

It can't be long until the Daily News starts running the "Mallard Fillmore" comic strip. And "Pluggers."

You know you're a "Plugger" if ... you spend time submitting "jokes" to "Pluggers."

Does the Trib still run "Pot-Shots" by Ashleigh Brilliant? (Ashleigh may be many things, but based on "Pot-Shots," "brilliant" isn't one of them.)

Unfortunately, Trib years ago dropped the "Love Is ..." cartoon, which was aptly described by Homer Simpson as a comic strip about "two naked 8-year-olds who are married."

. . .

As long as the News keeps running "Funky Winkerbean" (or as Officer Jim calls it, "Funky Cancer-Cancer") and "Crankshaft," I'll be happy.

Man, characters in those two strips have a worse mortality rate than ensigns on "Star Trek." Yet the characters in "Pluggers" go on ... and on ... and on ...

. . .

You know you're a "Plugger" if ... you long for the sweet release of death.

. . .

Rest assured that Tube City Almanac will never resort to running mediocre syndicated features.

Oh, the opinions expressed here will continue to be crap, but at least it'll be local crap.

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