Category: default || By jt3y

Housekeeping Notes: Well, I'm using Movable Type to update the Almanac again. Regular readers (those who eat a lot of fiber) will recall that Movable Type went toes-up in June during a server crash at Dementia World Headquarters. It's been live again for a while, but in the meantime, I so thoroughly screwed up the computer code behind this Web page that I couldn't get MT working again.

What does all this mean? Well, the Almanac has looked fairly lousy lately, especially in Internet Explorer. I apologize for that. The comments feature is active again, but now I need to find a way to re-import all of the archived entries, which will be a royal pain. Until that's complete, you won't be able to find anything older than a month or two.

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Several people have had kind things to say about the Almanac on their own Web pages, which I truly appreciate, and I also appreciate all of the nice emails I've gotten lately. Many of them are reprinted and answered here, but there are other folks who have asked that I not use their names, so I won't.

If you're just joining us, this is not really a "blog" in the sense that blogs are usually collections of links with some personal information and commentary. For the most part, I don't like to write about myself, and since launching this little endeavor, the entries have gotten longer and longer. (Diarrhea of the typing fingers and constipation of the brain? Perhaps.)

Rather than a "blog," this is more like an old-fashioned small town newspaper column. My earliest influences as a writer were Joe Browne and Peter Leo at the Post-Gazette, so that's not surprising.

And hopefully, that's the last Almanac entry I'll write about writing for a long, long time.

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This isn't the only regularly updated feature on the dementia.org server, by the way. Alycia Brashear, also known as "Stunt Violist," is Picking My Brain. She and some other Web writers have been added to the Tube City Online Virtual Library.

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Not My Desk, Chris Livingston's sometimes painfully funny accounts of working for temporary agencies, is again being updated after a long hiatus. Livingston also has a blog now.

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L.A.'s Rip Rense has another installment of Less Than Satisfying Encounters With Humanity, or LTSEWH:

I had drunk a good deal of tea and water. I was walking. This is not a good combination, in this, the era of the "customer only" bathroom. But when you gotta go ...

"Excuse me," I said, smiling, "Do you have a men's room?"

The woman behind the counter of the Arco gas station/mini-mart/hot dog stand/cosmetic surgery salon did not smile back. She did speak, though, which was a step in the right direction, and here is exactly what she said: "Customer only."

She was not from this country. Come to think of it, neither am I. I come from a country where business operators smile and say, "yes, sir, first door on your right." I don't know where that country went, but it sure as hell is gone.

There's much, much more, believe me. Rense does righteous indignation like few other people.

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I've been responsible for a few LTSEWH myself, sad to say. They weren't malignant, at least, but they did nicely illustrate my cluelessness. Pardon me if this is better suited to Our Sunday Visitor or the Catholic Digest; feel free to skip to the end if that makes you queasy.

A quick explanation is in order for my Protestant, Jewish, Muslim and agnostic readers: During Catholic Masses, there's a moment called the "sign of peace," when worshippers typically shake hands or make some other gesture of peace with the people around them. (Then after Mass, they race one another from the parking lot and swear at the people who cut them off, but that's another story.)

A few Sundays ago, the priest paused for the sign of peace. I turned to the person on my left and shook hands, turned to the person over my left shoulder and shook hands, turned to the person on my right and shook hands, and then turned to the person over my right shoulder and held out my hand to her.

She gave me the strangest look, but held out her hand and said, "Peace be with you."

And as I took her hand, I realized that she was the same person whom I had just shaken hands with over my left shoulder. I obviously hadn't been paying attention at all. "Oh, I'm sorry," I said softly, but that wasn't really the right answer. What was I sorry for? Shaking her hand? Wishing her peace?

But I wasn't done yet. Communion was but a few minutes away. I followed an older couple out of the pew, up the aisle to the altar, took Communion, and followed the older couple back to their seats.

About halfway up the pew I thought: "What happened to my coat and hat?"

Once again, I hadn't been paying attention. They were trying to avoid crawling over people who hadn't gone to Communion and cut through an empty pew --- not our pew. Now I was stuck crawling over them as they sat down. There may have been a more graceful way to do it, but though I was in church, I've never been what you'd call full of grace.

Full of something, but it ain't grace.

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I was walking down the street the other day when, from the corner of my eye, I saw a girl of 18 or 19 trying to hail passersby. I averted my glance but she spotted me and bored in. "Sir? Sir?"

Her voice followed me. She was following me down the sidewalk, a few steps back. I sighed, sure I was about to be proselytized, polled, or provoked, and turned around. "Yes?" I said, probably fairly impatiently.

She gave me a big cheesy grin. "Hi!" she said, waving.

I stopped. "What's up?" I said.

"Nothing. Just, hi!" In the background I could see several other girls giggling. I have a strong feeling this was a sorority stunt, or just the kind of goofy thing that people do when they get together and goad each other on. ("Let's see if we can get people to say hi to us!")

It didn't matter what their intentions were. I laughed and said, "Hi to you, too!"

To the girl who said "hi," wherever and whoever you are, I just want you to know that I whistled all the way back to work. You made my day. Call that an SEWH --- a Satisfying Encounter With Humanity.

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Things To Do This Weekend: The Voloshky Ukrainian Dance Ensemble will perform Saturday at Riverfront Park in Our Fair City. Call 412-678-1727. On Sunday, the Wee Jams are at the Renzie Park bandshell at 7 p.m.

Strange Brew is at the Irwin Eagles on Saturday; they have a great new album out called "Blues Cauldron." Concert details at 724-863-9847.