Category: Commentary/Editorial, News || By

If you've been following the Tube City Online Facebook page, you know that our World Headquarters was recently under siege. A relentless and annoying pest stormed our offices, demanding our immediate attention, leaving a mess, and providing nothing useful in return.

No, I'm not talking about teabaggers. I'm talking about the brown marmorated stinkbug. On Thursday afternoon, I opened the back door of our sumptuous office at the top of Dravosburg Hill and was confronted with the most alarming stench --- something like rotten fruit, or garbage left in the sun.

I thought the smell was caused by an article I'd written, but in fact, the windows and ceilings were crawling with the bastards. It was like something out of an Alfred Hitchcock movie.

After gathering up as many bugs as I could find, I made the mistake of looking online for information, and instead found paragraph after paragraph of complete misinformation. A lot of it came from bloggers and anonymous chat room commenters, but much also was generated by local TV news. (One story called them "the Al Qaeda terrorist of bugs" and said homeowners were "powerless" to stop them.)

The newspapers haven't been far behind in spreading claptrap. Stories have featured a lot of rumor and folklore: "Pesticides don't work! You can't keep them outside! Your house is probably already infested!"

. . .

To hear some reporters tell it, my best option was to burn down the house and flee to Antarctica, which is completely free of both stinkbugs and people who think health insurance regulations are socialism.

Naturally, I freaked out.

Luckily, before I started soaking the rugs with lighter fluid, I came to what amounts to my senses, and by Saturday morning I was stinkbug free.

Now, I'm no expert, but here's what I learned, thanks to some experimentation, and I'm posting it here at Tube City Almanac in the hopes that other people will benefit.

All of these tips, by the way, assume you don't mind using chemicals --- which I don't. (I take the approach of Robert DeNiro in The Untouchables: "I want them dead, I want their families dead!") If you're someone who says, "Oh, I don't like pesticides," then by all means, enjoy your stinkbugs.

. . .

'Pesticides Don't Work' is a Myth: Pesticides will kill stinkbugs, but you need to use the right ones, and they don't work instantaneously. If you're expecting to knock them out of the sky with one mighty blast, you're out of luck. (Any chemical that lethal would also kill you, right?)

You need to spray, and re-spray, and be patient, but even common Raid Ant and Roach Killer (the kind you can buy at Giant Eagle or Foodland) will kill 'em.

To spray the outside of the house, you need a pesticide containing one of the chemicals called "pyrethroids." I sprayed the outside of the house with Spectracide "Triazicide," and the next day, I had a bunch of dead stinkbugs around.

Also, most of these chemicals are not safe to be sprayed on food, or on the inside of your house, so you need to keep the bugs out of the house. And most of these chemicals break down or wash away after a few days, so you'll need to re-spray.

Incidentally, professional exterminators prefer chemicals sold under the trade names "Demand CS" or "Talstar Pro." These chemicals are not sold to the general public. (Of course, I found a half-dozen places selling them online, hint hint.)

. . .

'Soap Repels Them' is a Myth: I read a comment online by someone who was considering coating the outside of their house with Palmolive dishwashing liquid, because they were told dishwashing soap kills stinkbugs.

There isn't some magical chemical in dishwashing soap that kills stinkbugs, but it does smother them if you spray it on them, or if you knock them into a bucket of the stuff. It certainly doesn't repel them.

What does repel them is Deep Woods Off or Cutter bug repellent. Spritz some on your window screens and doors every day. Which brings me to my next subject ...

. . .

Air Conditioners Are a Welcome Mat: Despite the fact that my window air conditioner fit tightly and was sealed on all sides, stinkbugs were strolling right through it and inside the house. If you have one or more of those damned air conditioners, get rid of it! You'll eliminate a major entry point.

I also taped around the edges of all of my window screens with duct tape. It ain't pretty, but it works.

. . .

Once They're Inside: If you've got a room full of them, as I did, you need a nuclear option. Once I sealed the outside windows and taped up the screens, I set off a few Raid Fumigators and left the house for a few hours.

Upon returning, I found a whole bunch of corpses, and one barely-alive stinkbug. A second round (this time, with a few Black Flag room foggers) flushed out the remaining bugs and killed them, too.

Those foggers don't have any lingering effect (thank God), so you'll need to keep any new ones from getting in. But once you've sealed up a room, it will kill the ones inside.

. . .

I hope some of this information is helpful, but I'm not an expert, and you try any of these methods at your own risk. Now, if I could only come up with a repellent for teabaggers. I'm thinking about a copy of Sinclair Lewis' It Can't Happen Here ... wrapped around a brick.

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