Category: Sarcastic? Moi? || By

A few months ago, I learned that I'm part of the Mayor Jim Brewster Machine, or the "JB Machine" as it's called on other websites. This came as a surprise to Brewster when I told him.

I asked him what sort of benefits accrue to members of the "JB Machine." He said I can park Downtown for up to a half-hour for only 25 cents, and I can use Renzie Park whenever I want (between sunrise and sundown).

Also, I just got my sewerage bill, and it shows a $23.51 credit. This may be because I stupidly overpaid last month's bill, but I prefer to think it's because of my status as a member of the Machine.

Unfortunately, because I'm part of the "JB Machine," when internal city financial reports are leaked, I don't get a copy. Those are only "made public" to people who aren't part of the "JB Machine," I guess.

. . .

I've also recently become part of the "Mayor Luke Ravenstahl Machine." I learned this after I wrote a commentary about Rich Lord's "The Network" series in the Post-Gazette.

I foolishly thought that the stories were about the complicated relationship between private consultants and local governments in the Mon Valley. But I have since been told privately they were actually an attack on Ravenstahl.

Because I professed not to know this, I was told I must be an apologist for the "Ravenstahl Machine" and was gently chided for peddling "the conventional wisdom."

. . .

There are only two cities in Allegheny County whose mayors haven't yet made me part of their political machines --- Clairton and Duquesne.

The balls are in your respective courts, Richard Lattanzi and Phil Krivacek. Let me know if I can peddle some conventional wisdom for either of you gentlemen. I'm also good at apologias.

. . .

One group that isn't part of any "Machine" is comprised of people who post comments on the Topix.com forums. I see from Saturday's Daily News (which is sometimes part of the "JB Machine" and sometimes isn't) that a West Mifflin police sergeant is suing the website to obtain the names of people who made "inflammatory comments" about him and his wife.

Setting aside the obvious First Amendment implications, I noticed that the Daily News refers to those commenters as "bloggers" four times, counting the headline.

Sweet sainted ghost of Eleanor Kratzer! Do we need to have remedial Internet classes?

OK, fine: A "blog" is defined as "a Web site that contains an online personal journal with reflections, comments, and often hyperlinks provided by the writer."

. . .

Not everything that's on the Internet is a "blog" any more than everything in a newspaper is a "news article." People who comment on an Internet forum are no more "bloggers" than people who write letters to the editor are "reporters."

This isn't the first time the Daily News has made this mistake --- while reporting on a similar case involving a Forward Township supervisor, it kept calling the defendants "bloggers." They're not either --- they're anonymous commenters on the elizabethboro.com website.

. . .

To be fair, the Daily News isn't the only newspaper that makes this mistake, but it is the one I read most frequently (besides Grit and The Hobo News).

Anyway, if the Daily News is going to persist in calling these people "bloggers," then I will begin calling the Daily News a comic book, since they both contain cartoons, right?

Thus endeth this Sunday's lesson. Please contribute generously to the political machine of your choosing.

. . .

Note: For next Sunday's sermon, entitled "I Got Mine, Suckers," I will take for my text St. Newt's First Letter to the Palinites. Brother Pat Toomey will then lead us in singing, "What a Friend We Have in Von Mises."

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