Tube City Almanac

February 02, 2011

Local 'Seer of Seers' Goes to Bed Hungover

(General Nonsense)

While the world's attention was focused on Punxsutawney, Pa., this morning, another furry prognosticator two hours to the southwest was also making predictions at sunrise.

The mysterious raccoon known only as "Port Vue Pete" emerged from his borough this morning and predicted "six more days of Super Bowl hype." Then he went to bed, hungover.

Tube City Almanac first documented Pete's legend in 2007, and since then has been the exclusive source of Pete's prognostications.

This morning, only the Almanac's reporter and photographer were on hand for Pete's appearance in a backyard off of Romine Avenue. Clad in a South Allegheny baseball cap and wearing dark glasses to protect his eyes against the glare of the early morning sun, Pete was carrying a nearly empty bottle of blended Scotch whisky.

"I found it in the Dumpster behind the Spotlight Lounge," Pete said. "I found a half-eaten meatball hoagie, too."

Pete told the Almanac that unlike the groundhog Punxsutawney Phil, he doesn't have to wake up at sunrise to deliver his predictions. "I'm still up from the night before," he said.

Told that Phil had predicted an early spring, Pete laughed. "Yeah?" he said. "When that smelly rat is freezing his fat buns tonight, he should burn his press clippings for warmth."

Pete, 14, whose full name is Peter Prolotor ("it was changed at Ellis Island from Procyonlotor") said he doesn't bother predicting the weather. "You want a forecast?" he said. "Go talk to Dennis Bowman. I ain't got time for that."

Instead, Pete predicted that Pittsburgh media would remain obsessed with Super Bowl arcana until Sunday, and delivered his prognostication in rhyme form:

The black-and-gold's in Texas,
And we are gonna see
About a million minutes
Of non-news on TV.

They'll visit Steelers sports bars,
From Paris to Peru,
And talk to rowdy patrons,
Who haven't got a clue.

They'll track Ben Roethlisberger,
From press tent to press tent,
And whenever Hines Ward blows his nose,
It'll be a news event.

It's just another ball game,
And it's over-hyped to me,
But since you want predictions,
I say "Steelers win by 3."







Feedback on “Local 'Seer of Seers' Goes to Bed Hungover”

Personal information

Due to abuse by a handful of people, we will no longer accept anonymous comments. You may request to use a pen name or to have your real name withheld, but you may not comment anonymously, and you must give us a verifiable email address and/or phone number.







To help block automated comment spam, we now require you to answer this silly question.



 


Remember your information?
Comment

Small print: All html tags except <b> and <i> will be removed from your comment. You can make links by just typing the url or mail-address.

Terms of Service: Tube City Community Media Inc. encourages discussion and debate, and welcomes dissenting opinions. However, the corporation cannot and will not vouch for the accuracy of comments.

Opinions expressed in the comments are those of the posters, and do not reflect those of Tube City Community Media Inc., its directors or affiliates.

Under 47 U.S.C. 230, the corporation is not legally responsible for opinions expressed in the comments. However: We reserve the right to delete comments for any or no reason, including comments that are libelous, defamatory, infringing, inappropriate or offensive. We also reserve the right to ban individuals with or without warning.

Posting a comment at www.tubecityonline.com gives the corporation a perpetual, free license to reprint or republish that comment.

Posting a comment at www.tubecityonline.com or any related site operated by Tube City Community Media Inc. implies acceptance of these terms.