Category: default || By jt3y

The Westmoreland County Commissioners used to give out stickers saying, "There's MORE in Westmoreland."

Maybe they meant more weird news stories. Weird, wacky, wonderful Westmoreland hit the national news again this week, after Joe Napsha broke the story in the Trib:

Greensburg police are investigating how a 48-year-old man posing as a woman and a cheerleader allegedly stole the identities of three women to obtain credit cards, took photos of high school cheerleaders and obtained numerous cheerleader uniforms and pom-poms.

Kelly Dawn Hullenbaugh's secret life came undone Friday night when police arrested him at his apartment after he allegedly was seen in the girls locker room at Greensburg Salem High School.

Yesterday, Napsha reported that Greensburg Salem school officials are boosting security because of this incident. I can appreciate their concern, but they'd be well-advised not to over-react --- how many 48-year-old men who think they're high school girls are running around Greensburg, for goodness sakes?

On the other hand, we probably don't want to know the answer to that question.

Apparently, "Kelly Dawn" had some "glamor shot" style photos taken of himself in his full cheerleading regalia. How'd you like to be the photographer who got that assignment? Do you think he walked into Olan Mills in his cheerleader outfit, or did he go to the Sears Portrait Studio? Or did he change once he got there?

By the way, KDKA-TV had an "I-team" investigation report about this on the news the other night, obviously chasing the Trib's story. It was about the least investigative investigation I've ever seen, even by TV standards. Marty Griffin breathlessly informed viewers that "documents obtained by KDKA news" detailed "Kelly Dawn's" alleged identity thefts.

Those "documents" turned out to be the affidavits of probable cause, which anyone can "obtain" by the difficult process of walking down to the magistrate's office and asking for them. These weren't exactly the Pentagon Papers.

KDKA also lingered over the "glamor shots" of "Kelly Dawn," panning the camera slowly up "her" legs in the style of a video about a Sports Illustrated swimsuit model. It was, at best, tacky, and at worst, gross. In fact, the whole report --- about three minutes, I guess, though it seemed much longer --- seemed like an excuse for KDKA to show pictures of a guy in a dress.

Griffin also helpfully informed us that it "isn't illegal for a man to own a cheerleader uniform." Gee, I'm glad he cleared that up, because I was wondering which statute "men wearing cheerleader uniforms" fell under. I knew it wasn't in the state vehicle code, but I thought it might be covered by Title 3.

Most people get their "news" from TV, of course. Is it any wonder that Americans are so ill-informed?

Dumb pills aren't exclusively taken by KDKA employees, of course. I suspect they're distributed throughout the entire CBS corporate structure.

I'm no Dubya fan --- that should be painfully obvious, I think, to anyone who reads this treacle on a regular basis --- but any nitwit could tell that the documents that CBS News used to supposedly prove that young George W. Bush skipped out on his National Guard service are phonies.

They're done in Microsoft Word, for cripes' sake. As a frequent victim of Microsoft Word, I easily spotted all of the programs flaws ... I mean "features" ... on the memos. Especially that stupid superscript on ordinal numbers like "111th."

Pardon me, CBS, I mean, I'm no forensic expert, but IBM Selectrics don't do that. You could have had the cast of "CSI" review these things and figured that out. Edward R. Murrow, who's probably been spinning in his grave for years, has probably just increased his speed a few hundred RPMs.

As of last night, CBS was still standing by the authenticity of the memos. Sure. And the editors of Der Stern stood by the reporter who uncovered the supposed Hitler diaries in the 1980s --- almost until the point that he went to jail for fraud.

Speaking of reporters, why are they so afraid to speak plain truths? The headline in The Washington Post about this story reads, "Some Question Authenticity of Papers on Bush." Technically accurate, but wishy-washy. Why not, "Documents Look Like Forgeries, Experts Say"? "Some Question" makes it seem like there's a lot of doubt, when there really isn't. Any woman who worked in a secretarial pool in the 1970s would know that these things were fakes.

By the same token, why were reporters so slow to blow the whistle on the Swift Boat Veterans for Truth? Those bozos were lying their rear-ends off. Some of them had contradicted themselves as recently as a few years ago, and as the evidence now indicates, they had close financial and legal ties to the Bush-Cheney re-election campaign.

Stating something painfully obvious that's based on factual information is not being partisan. Trying to appear "fair" and "impartial" does not mean that reporters have the right to put their brains in neutral, or that they have to parrot misinformation without questioning it.

In "fairness," maybe everyone has been too hasty to condemn CBS. Perhaps the network has another "scoop" up its sleeve: "National Guard had computerized word processors in 1972, U.S. demands royalties from Bill Gates!"

Probably not.

In the meantime, alert Dan Rather: I've got some photos that prove George Bush wasn't serving in the Alabama National Guard. They were taken with a digital camera. Also, I have proof that Kerry sold his medals on eBay in 1975.

I'm ready for my closeup, folks. Make sure you get my good side (hint: it's the part that hits the chair first).

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I'm looking for Rick Santorum to introduce the "Cheerleader Uniform Protection Act" any day now to make sure situations like the one in Greensburg don't happen again.

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Update: There are plenty of real documents available about George W. Bush's and John Kerry's military service at AwolBush.com.

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To Do This Weekend: Book Country holds its first-ever "warehouse sale," 10 a.m. to 4 p.m. Saturday and Sunday. Books on sale at the old Potter-McCune Co. warehouse, 3200 Walnut St., in the Christy Park section of Our Fair City, will be up to 80 percent off. Call 412-678-2400.

Also: Butler County Amateur Radio Association holds its annual hamfest and computer show from 8 a.m. to 3 p.m. Sunday at the Butler Farm Show Grounds, near Roe Airport on Route 68 east of Evans City. Call 724-586-1182.