Category: default || By jt3y

I didn't mind brushing my teeth with beer --- in fact, I liked it so much, I went back and brushed my teeth three more times Sunday morning --- but have you ever tried to shave with cold water from the jug in the fridge?

No? It ain't pretty.

More to the point: Have you ever tried to go several hours without using the toilet?

You might be saying, "Well, I usually go all night without using the toilet, so what's the big deal?" The big deal is the psychological impact. When you're asleep, you're not thinking about using the toilet (or maybe you are, I don't know what kind of sicko dreams you're having.). If you're awake, and you do have a toilet available, and you don't need to go, then everything's likewise fine.

But if you don't have a toilet available, even if you don't have to go, you'll eventually convince yourself that you do. You may be trying to mind your own business (such as it were) but the fact that you can't flush the commode will prey on your mind. What if I have to go? I can't. I don't have to. But what if I do? Over and over again, you'll play through this scenario, until eventually, you convince yourself you do have to go. And then what? Stand out in the front yard? There goes the neighborhood.

Edgar Allen Poe couldn't make up that kind of internal struggle: "The Pot and the Pendulum." "The Tell-Tale Flush."

Friday's storms left Our Fair City and its environs in less dire straits than many other areas in Western Pennsylvania. There was the standard flooding on Route 48 and at Eden Park Boulevard; both River Roads --- Port Vue and Dravosburg --- were underwater for a time. And, of course, we had several ugly mudslides. (New tourism slogan: "Come for the bike trails, stay for the mudslides!")

But for sheer storm destruction, the Mon Valley had nothing to compare to Pittsburgh's North Hills and west suburbs. The water barely made it to Water Street downtown. A mere puddle! (Yawn.) Wake us when it gets to Centennial School, OK?

Still, Saturday morning, I awoke to find the water --- the kind in the faucets, not the kind in the streets --- running ve-r-r-r-r-y sl-o-o-o-w. Within an hour it was just gurgling. Shoot. I had things to do anyway, so I left the house for the rest of the day. By the time I get home, I thought, the water will be back on.

I got back at 8 p.m., unlocked the door and turned on the faucet. Nothing. Hmm.

Turned on the radio: No storm information. Just sports, sports, sports, infomercials, sports, sports, sports, sports, right-wing nutjobs, sports. (All this sports talk, and no one was giving out the Penn State or Pitt scores. Some localism on "Fox Sports Pittsburgh," eh?)

Truth be told, I don't live within Our Fair City --- I live just on the edge, in a suburb --- so I called our borough building to see if there was any recorded information about the water outage. Nothing.

I decided to call the police station --- on the non-emergency line, of course. Normally, I wouldn't, but water seems like a public safety issue, right?

Police desk: "