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The late Phil Musick called them "things I think I think." The late Bruce Keidan called them "loose items from a tight-leaf notebook." I call them "cluttered items from an empty mind," because if a cluttered desk is the sign of a cluttered mind, what's signified by an empty desk?

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In Pennsylvania, according to radio commercials, you "have the right" to change your electricity provider or choose a free taxpayer-paid charter school.

You do not have the right to vote without a government-approved photo ID.

Can I change my gubernatorial provider? I'd like Dick Thornburgh back.

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I'm fascinated by the commercials during "Wheel of Fortune" and "Jeopardy!" ... nothing but ads for politicians, denture creams, arthritis pain relief, adult diapers, Werther's Originals. What's the target demographic for those two shows? Age 80 to deceased?

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We recently returned from a week in Ontario. You can tell right away that you're back in the States: There are no recycling bins in public places in the U.S.

In Ontario, there are recycling bins in most public places --- restaurants, malls, even gas stations. Of course, in the Mon Valley, we have enough problems getting people to put the trash into trash cans, much less recycling it.

But boy, I quickly got used to dropping my pop bottle (yes, they say "pop" in Ontario) into a recycling bin at the beach, the mall or wherever. It would be nice to have the same thing here, though I'm pretty sure anyone who suggested it would be accused of being a Marxist-socialist gun-confiscating liberal tool of the mighty United Nations conspiracy.

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The other way I could tell we were back in the U.S. was a big billboard along the highway just outside Detroit that said: "OBAMA SUPPORTS GAY MARRIAGE AND ABORTION."

I've since seen another one on Route 30 in East Pittsburgh. For a while, I wasn't sure if it had been erected by the Democrats or the Republicans.

Then I realized it must be the Republicans. Democrats never fail to miss an opportunity not to say what they stand for.

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While we were away, former Allegheny County Executive Jim Roddey got in trouble for making a joke about the "retarded." I've interviewed Roddey on a few occasions. And in fairness to the man, he has no sense of humor at all.

You could say his sense of humor is a little bit ... er, no, I better not. But seriously, the man wouldn't know funny if it bit him in his underpants.

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Speaking of people who should probably think before opening their mouths in public, gee, we haven't heard from the Paterno family in a while.

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While in Canada, we visited the distillery where they make Canadian Club whisky. It's on the Detroit River, directly across from the Motor City, and its docks apparently were a regular stopping point for Al Capone and his mob during Prohibition.

In fact, I was a little bit turned off by the way the distillery has completely and almost unapologetically embraced the Capone era. Sure, they were breaking the law, and yeah, they murdered a lot of people, but didn't they have great cars and snazzy clothes?

Maybe in 100 years, crack dealers will get the same kinds of treatment by museums.

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Don't tell the Pennsylvania Liquor Control Board, but I brought back some alcohol from Canada --- stuff I couldn't get in the States. Right now, I'm drinking some "Hiram Walker Special" rye whisky, which is made alongside Canadian Club, at the same spot where Hiram Walker founded his original distillery in the 19th Century.

This whisky has an interesting nose, much like following a bus with stuck brakes. Tasting it, I detect Ronsonol with just a hint of Prestone.

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On second thought, drinking this whisky, I'm not worried about the Liquor Control Board so much as the Allegheny County hazmat team. Either they need to foam down this whisky, or we need to supply it to Allegheny County Airport to de-ice planes.

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