Category: default || By jt3y

A tip of the Tube City Online hard hat to Officer Jim, who reports that the cheerleaders have gone wild at Linebacker U., according to the Daily Collegian of Penn State:

State College police reported that a woman walking through the area of the Student Book Store had refused the complimentary stickers the Penn State cheerleaders were passing out to those walking by the store.

Police said that upon leaving the store, the woman exited through a door farther away from the squad to avoid it. A group of people dressed in Penn State cheerleading uniforms then approached her and covered her with about 20 stickers, despite her protests, police said.

Sounds like a job for the cast of "CSI: Centre County":

SCENE: INT., EMERGENCY ROOM, MOUNT NITTANY MEDICAL CENTER, DAY.

WE SEE A STATE COLLEGE POLICE DETECTIVE (NED BEATTY) STANDING AT THE SIDE OF A GURNEY. LYING ON THE GURNEY IS THE VICTIM (GUEST STAR JUDITH LIGHT), MOANING SOFTLY AND GLISTENING WITH "BACTINE.") STANDING NEARBY IS A NURSE (EXTRA), HOLDING A TRAY OF WRINKLED AND TORN "WE ARE PENN STATE" STICKERS.

DETECTIVE: Can you describe the incident to me?

VICTIM: It was terrible ... all I remember is ... lip gloss, blond bangs and belly shirts ... and ... hands ... manicured hands putting stickers on me ... oh, God ...

(SHE BEGINS TO WEEP; DETECTIVE KNEELS AT HER SIDE AND TAKES HER HAND.)

DETECTIVE: I promise you, we're going to find these girls and make sure they don't hurt anyone else. If I have to crash every fraternity party in State College and lock down every Panera and Starbucks in town, I'll do it. (HE TURNS TO NURSE) Make sure you don't handle those stickers. We'll need to put those under the electron-scanning microscope back at the station. (STANDS AND BEGINS TO LEAVE ROOM. STOPS AND TURNS BACK TO NURSE) Or, because we don't have one of those, we'll just have a trained cow smell them.

...

You know, we get a lot --- I mean, a lot --- of junk email here at Tube City Omnimedia World Headquarters. If I had responded to every email offering certain drugs over the last month ... well, let's just say that by now, I'd have to have a team of flagmen following me around wherever I walked to make sure that it didn't get stepped on.

But I can't even imagine what mailing list I've been added to that solicited two of these emails in two days:

You're invited to shop for large selection of bombs and different kinds of rockets such as surface-to-air, surface-to-surface and weaponry available at reduced price. With the following types of rockets you will be able to commit terrorist attacks, destroy buildings, electric power stations, bridges, factories and anything else that comes your mind. Most items are in stock and available for next day freight delivery in the USA. Worldwide delivery is available at additional cost. Prices are negotiable.

Our clients are well known Al-Qaida, Hizballah, Al-Jihad, HAMAS, Abu Sayyaf Group and many other terrorist groups. We are well known supplier in the market and looking forward to expand our clientage with assistance of Internet.

I have a lot of pesky squirrels getting into my bird feeder, so I was going to order an S-8BM Unguided Aircraft Rocket, but the email goes on to say those are "not in stock." Darn!

The real danger, of course, is that one of these emails could find their way to the Penn State cheerleading squad, and I think we all know just what they're capable of.

...

Even more chilling ... what would happen if Cat Stevens got his hands on some Stinger missiles? We all realize now what a deadly threat Stevens poses --- not just to his own career, but to the nation. Thank goodness that he's been thrown out of the U.S.!

New York Newsday shows just what kind of influence that Stevens, who has changed his name "Yusuf Islam," has over terrorist cells:

On a tape of a secretly wiretapped prison conversation from May 2000, a lively comical discussion ensues as Abdel-Rahman and Arabic interpreter Mohamed Yousry attempt to remember Islam's English stage name.

"Add Yusuf Islam," Abdel-Rahman dictates to Yousry in Arabic. "That singer ... he was a famous singer, then God changed his life. That British singer."

"Lynne do you know this guy who was a member of the Beatles or something ... and now he is a Muslim?" Yousry asks.

"Is it Ringo?" Stewart asks puzzled. "Paul McCartney, Ringo Starr ... the drummer, and the third one who was never around, George Harrison?"

"Maybe," Yousry replied. "He is one of those. He was one of the Beatles."

"Oh yeah, he was the most famous," the sheik concurs in Arabic.

Those twisted bastards obviously have close ties to Yusuf Islam. And if it's not bad enough that they think Cat Stevens was a Beatle, now they're trying to allege that Ringo was the most famous one. Axis of evil, indeed!

Barry Banker suggested on WKHB (620) the other morning that next time, instead of flying, he should try riding on the peace train. (Rimshot.)

On the other hand, I have a possible new lyric for one of Yusuf's big hits: "I'm being followed by a mean copper, a mean copper, mean copper. Kicked off the airplane by a mean copper, a mean copper, mean copper ..." (Rimshot.)

Meanwhile, you can check out Yusuf Islam's Web site.

...

The Genius would have been 74 years old today.

...

I'm waiting for this hard-hitting interview, as reported in the New York Post:

Fox News Channel's Bill O'Reilly interviewed President Bush yesterday and will air the chat Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday. Topics range from his National Guard service, Iraq and the Swift boat ads to weapons of mass destruction ...

... and Bush's love of America, the flag and apple pie, as well as his manly strength and his fondness for soft, snuggly puppies and kittens.

Or am I too cynical?

...

Alycia sends along this link to her pictures of flooding in and around Our Fair City.

By the way, on Tuesday, I predicted that some news outlet would soon do a story on the impact the flooding had on pets.

A correspondent reports that one of the TV stations did just that story earlier this week; today, a story in one of the papers begins, "Many cats and dogs separated from their owners during the flood are lodged at local animal shelters ..."

It gives me no joy to have been correct in that prediction.

...

Nobody told me that Chi-Chi's went out of business last weekend! Ay, caramba!

All of the locations --- which included one on Route 51 near Southland Shopping Center --- have been shuttered. A few are likely to reopen under the name of one of the restaurants owned by the parent of the "Outback" steakhouse chain.

Just what we needed: More theme restaurants! As usual, nobody asked me, but you can get pretty decent Mexican food at Los Campesino, located on Route 30 in Irwin about a half-mile west of the Turnpike.