Category: default || By jt3y
To quote that great philosopher, Red Green: "If you don't have anything to say, stop talking. If you find yourself quoting a funny story you read in the Reader's Digest, shut up. You have nothing to say."
Today, I've got nothing, except some of our patented Tube City Online Internet Time-Wasters:
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One of the issues that allegedly led the Mon Valley Midget Football League to kick out the Clairton teams was Clairton's supposed violation of a so-called "mercy rule." Most "mercy rules" state that when one team reaches a certain point margin that would make it impossible for the other team to win --- the game becomes a massacre rather than a blowout --- then the other team pulls back. In PIAA football, there's an official "mercy rule" that states if one team leads by 35 points or more in the second half, the clock doesn't stop, except after a score. PIAA also has a 10-run "mercy rule" in school baseball.
According to this story from 2003, the midget football teams are not the only Clairton teams to be accused of ignoring the "mercy rule." In January 2003, the high school girls' basketball team pounded Winchester-Thurston 123-24; a guard on the Winchester team called it "humiliating." (Read the Clairton coach's side of the story in the Valley Independent.
It's not fair to single out Clairton. On Saturdays, I always read through the high school football scores, and some of them are so lopsided as to be obscene; scores like 68-3 or 77-0 are not uncommon.
I suppose there are cases when the other team is so inept, you can't help but score on them. Yet I still wonder what some of these coaches are thinking: This is high school football, for cripes' sake. Why humilate the other team? Isn't 48-0 or 54-3 a big enough margin? Why not put the freshmen and the third-stringers in?
Then, of course, I come back from my magical trip to Gumdrop Mountain, where chocolate-syrup rivers run through candy-cane forests. After all, it's not whether you win or lose, it's whether or not you grind the other guys into a bloody pulp.
Oh, and what's the Time Waster? Well, you can download official PIAA rules bulletins here. Read through them and you'll be much better informed this Friday night when you're yelling insults at the refs: "Hey, jagoff, are you blind? It says right on page 1 of the October bulletin that you should sound your whistle when a successful kick clears the uprights!"
Admittedly, it's not as concise as, "So's your mother."
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What would happen if you titled movie based solely on descriptions of what the poster in the theater lobby looked like? Well, you might end up with something like this collection at SomethingAwful.com (warning: some of the language isn't suitable for the kiddies).
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I'm ashamed to admit how much time I spent the other night looking at Gas Signs, which, as you might suspect, is a site dedicated to photos of gas station signage.
Some how, a friend and I started discussing car trips, which led to a discussion of how you used to be able to spot regional gasoline companies (like Sohio) when you took car trips, which led to his mentioning that there used to be a Purple Martin gas station on McKnightmare Road in the North Hills, near his home.
Which led to us searching for information about Purple Martin gas.
Which led to "Gas Signs."
Which led to me spending several hours looking at pictures of gas station signs.
Which led to me being covered in shame, once again.
Why, oh why, couldn't it have been porn instead? That, my family could understand, but gas station signs? Yeesh.
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James Howard Kunstler is in a bad mood:
John Kerry has made some joking references to the immense wealth he married into, but a few years from now it will not seem very funny to a public with no jobs, steeply declining standards of living, and no way to get around. Nor will George W. Bush's family advantages go unnoticed. Personally, I am allergic to Marxist doctrine, but I believe nonetheless that a few years from now, the American public will want to eat the rich. Some demagogue will arise out of the NASCAR mob and then the real fun will begin.
I never wanted to play at the expense of someone getting hurt, especially when he is as great of a guy as Tommy is. But I knew I had to be ready when the team needed me, and I am trying my hardest to fill in well for Tommy and just win football games. These games have been a lot of fun (obviously it’s always more fun when you win!) I definitely need to take some time here to thank my teammates for everything they do. They are making my job so much easier, and they really are the ones doing all the hard work.
I keep reminding myself, and I want to remind everyone else, that it has only been a few games and we have a long way to go until we will be satisfied. I know I won’t be satisfied until the Steelers win a Super Bowl!! And even then I will want to win more. One thing I know is that we have a better chance of winning if you the fans keep supporting us the way you have. I have to thank you again!
The “Something Awful” movie-poster site was uproariously funny.
And Kunstler, who I hardly always agree with, is right this time. I am hearing more and more about Peak Oil, and when it comes to an end (or a steep decline), I think we might expect something like Mad Max.
(Come to think of it, I often encounter something like that from some overcaffeinated road-rager on my way to work.)
Speaking of which, did you read about the Airways restaurant? Not that it was still open or anything. I have yet to pay my respects to the remains.
Alert Reader - October 19, 2004
By the way, here’s a quiz that combines two of your time wasters – movies AND gas signs!
At the end of the original “Terminator” (which poster looks like Schwarzenegger should be captioned with “I’m Raising This Gun Instead Of My Middle Finger”), Linda Hamilton is fleeing from the expected nuclear holocaust-to-come and stops at a gas station. Quick, what’s the brand name of the station? It tells us something about the regional location, and I bet it ain’t on that Gas Signs site, either.
Alert Reader - October 19, 2004
OK, Alert Reader, you’ve stumped me. I even tried to cheat by using the Internet, but while I found out the gas station was located in Sun Valley, Calif., no one said what brand it was.
Also, I found out I misquoted Red Green. Mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa. Here’s the real quote:
http://www.pbs.org/redgreen/
“Unfortunately some guys who have nothing to say still keep talking. Like, if you find yourself ranting about the way people are parking cars on your street, well, you have nothing to say. Stop talking. If you find yourself going on and on about why Jeopardy is way better than Wheel of Fortune, or about how hard it is to open those new orange juice containers, or the high price of hammers, you have nothing to say. If you notice you’re telling everyone a hilarious story that you read in Reader’s Digest—stop talking. People aren’t listening to you. The person you’re talking to has glazed over and is just nodding their head, while they make up a grocery list or plan their winter vacation, or vow never to get as old and boring as you. So don’t just keep talking until you think of something worth saying. You may not.”
That sounds like this Web site, now that I think about it.
Webmaster (URL) - October 20, 2004
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