Category: default || By jt3y

Last night, because the temperature was supposed to get so cold, I put a blanket on the motor of the car. This is something my grandfather used to do when the weather got cold, supposedly to make the car easier to start in the morning. It's never made sense to me --- just how much heat could a flimsy blanket retain? --- but I do it anyway.

For all I know, this is something my grandfather's grandfather did back in Hungary --- but in his case, great-great-grandfather was putting a blanket over the mule at night when the weather got cold, and I have a feeling it was benefiting the mule a lot more than it benefits the car. Nevertheless, I keep doing it anyway.

When I had my little Datsun 200SX, I also used to put a 150-watt trouble light under the battery at night to keep it warm when the temperature got below zero. Again, I have no idea if it helped or not, but it made me feel like I was doing something.

At least when the motor club showed up to jump start the car, I could tell the driver, "I don't know what the problem is. I mean, I put a blanket over it and a light bulb under the battery and everything." And then I suppose he would reply, "No, that's for chickens that are trying to lay eggs, not for cars, you big doofus."

Actually, the only time that car ever stranded me was on a brutally cold winter day. I was working at my first job and had just moved away from home; I left the newspaper office, went out to start the car, and ... nothing. The motor club came and determined the fuel line was frozen, and they suggested it be towed to a garage. I said fine.

I had just moved to town, and didn't know any of the mechanics, so the tow truck took my poor old 200SX to the Nissan dealer, which is a fairly logical choice, but the Nissan dealer in town also happened to be the Mercedes-Benz dealer. You can imagine what their hourly labor rate was.

It still gives me a pain in the wallet to remember how much it cost to allow a 15-year-old Datsun to thaw out for several hours in a Mercedes-Benz dealer's service bay, but it was a week's pay, and they made me wait all day for the car. I still hear the dealer's commercials on the radio, and every time I do, I think: I hope that you get an itch someplace that you can't scratch, you rotten so-and-so. "Friendly dealer," my fanny.

In other business, Alert Reader Officer Jim writes to suggest I link to the ohfishul "Pogo" Website, dedicated to the great comic strip by the late Walt Kelly and says, "Sometimes I have way too much time on my hands; of course, I don't have a website dedicated to Pogo (or McKeesport, for that matter)."

Well, sure, I go Pogo, so I can link to it. I wish someone would reprint "Pogo" in a large format book like they do "Doonesbury." There is a company called Fantagraphics that has been reprinting "Pogo" strips in comic book format, but they only reprint a few months' worth in each book, and they're fairly expensive.

Speaking of comic strips: Someone turned me onto some great software called "Comictastic," which scrapes the comic strip webpages of your choice each time you load it up, and loads only the comic strips, ignoring the advertisements and other tedium. This is great stuff, but you Wintel PC users are out of luck: It only works on Mac OS X.

Drawbacks? The software costs $15, and depending on how many comic strips you read, it will take a while to configure the settings at first. But if you read a lot of comic strips, and I do, it will greatly speed the download time. Also, Comictastic doesn't care if you're reading online webcomics or syndicated newspaper comics; it can find them just the same.

If I haven't mentioned this before, shame on me. James Lileks of the Minneapolis Star-Tribune and "The Bleat" has started a new online fiction-writing experiment. He bought a bag of old matchbooks and has created a character he calls "Joe Ohio."

Each day Lileks pulls out a matchbook and writes a story about what Joe was doing the day he got that matchbook. Some days are more interesting than others, but it's a great idea, and I'm hooked. Check it out.

Finally this morning, only from Fayettenam does one hear stories like this:

Four Connellsville-area men are accused of stealing a Pygmy goat, killing it and trading its meat for crack cocaine. ...

Police said charges of theft, receiving stolen property, cruelty to animals and criminal conspiracy were filed Tuesday with Bullskin Township District Judge Robert Breakiron.

The quartet allegedly took the goat the morning of Dec. 24 from Laura and Robert Locke's property on Englishman Hill Road in Bullskin Township.

Police said Albright removed the goat from a pen with a piece of rope, dragged it to a patch of woods and tied it to a shrub. Albright and Charles Smith Jr. allegedly beat the animal to death by striking it on the head with a hammer and/or a steel pipe. (Paul Paterra, Tribune-Review)

Something tells me these fellows are not going to be asked to form a Connellsville chapter of Mensa any time soon.

I know one thing, though: Hearing a story like that really gets my ...

... aw, I can't say it. Making a cheap pun like that would be in ba-a-a-a-a-d taste.