Category: default || By jt3y

After re-reading yesterday's rant last night, I kept thinking there were a number of cars I had left off of my wish list. I alluded to British sports cars --- boy, do I think they're neat. A classic MG or Sunbeam would be pretty cool, especially in "Arrest Me Red."

In fact, since I still have some money left in my fantasy bank account, I think I'll buy a:



5.) 1967 Triumph TR4A --- I'd like one in British racing green, please, with a tan leather interior. This little gem would probably fit in the back of the '74 Oldsmobile Delta 88, which is a good thing, because I'm going to need to go pick it up and drag it home on a regular basis. If you have any question why the last major British car maker --- MG Rover --- just went toes up, then you've never seen a '60s or '70s British car.

The cars being turned out by British auto industry of the '60s and '70s made the ones that Detroit was making look like the pinnacles of Quality Assurance. You've heard the old joke about British headlight switches having three positions, "dim," "flicker" and "off"? Combine that with starters that wouldn't crank on damp days, carburetors that required constant fiddling, valves that wouldn't stay in adjustment, and body panels installed apparently by nearsighted drunks on the third day of a week-long bender, and you've got a recipe for disaster.

But on those 30 or so days a year when they're in perfect running order, classic British sports cars are the epitome of cool. So purchase number 5 will be a Triumph TR4A, or better yet, two --- one to drive when the other one is out for repairs, which will be often. I'll also buy a wicker laundry basket to pick up the parts that fall off, and I'll take them to the auto parts store in the back of my:



6.) 1965 Rambler convertible --- I'm hung up on convertibles, aren't I? And yet convertibles are utterly impractical. They're hot in the summer, cold in the winter, noisy when the top's down and noisy when the top's up. They rattle and twist and they require lots of expensive maintenance. But almost any car looks better as a convertible (exceptions include the AMC Eagle and the Yugo GVX, but the latter didn't really look good in any guise).

The mid-'60s Ramblers were just about the best economy cars that had ever been produced up to that point. They were dirt-simple to repair, reliable and tough little machines, and more important for my purposes, they looked good --- trim and almost European in their looks. They could even be relatively peppy when equipped with AMC's bulletproof 290 V8 and a Borg-Warner stickshift transmission, but I'll gladly take one with the inline six-cylinder. No one wants to drag race your Rambler, anyway.

If you're going to drive around those gas hogs from yesterday's Almanac, you're going to need to balance them out with some fuel economy, I think, and if you're going to have a British sports car, you're going to need something that starts every time you turn the key.

Still, you're not going to want a convertible Rambler in a Pittsburgh winter, so you'd better get a closed car --- something that can haul a lot of salt and cinders home. Something like a:



7.) 1964 Studebaker Wagonaire --- Another damned Studebaker? Sure! I've already confessed my affection for the Duquesne Dukes basketball team, so why not a couple of loser cars, too?

Like the Studebaker GT Hawk, the Wagonaire was a product of Brooks Stevens' skilled pen. In 1959, Studebaker had taken the same 1953 body underneath the Hawk and turned it into the surprisingly successful compact Lark. Naturally, the Big 3, seeing Studebaker's success, rushed to market with Falcons, Corvairs and Valiants, putting the final nails into the coffins of the boys from South Bend.

But Studebaker made a "valiant" effort to carry on, and Stevens was able to reskin the Lark once again to make it look surprisingly modern. The Wagonaire had a very neat sliding rear roof panel that enabled to you take tall cargo aboard without resorting to a pickup truck. It would take another 40 years for the Big 3 to catch up with that idea, but GMC finally copied it with the new Envoy SUV.

And naturally, the Wagonaire went onto be a great success for Studebaker. Right --- how many Studebakers have you seen lately? The company struggled on for another two years and then bailed on the car business altogether.

When the snow gets too deep, though, the low ground clearance of the Wagonaire is going to be a pain, I suppose. So, why not finish my collection with a vehicle with a very similar-sounding name, the:



8.) 1967 Jeep Wagoneer --- Jeeps were the first real "SUVs," after all, and this was one of the last few years that Jeeps were made by the Kaiser Jeep Corporation --- successor to Willys-Overland, which made the Jeep concept such a success. (Yes, Butler's American Bantam company invented the first Jeep, but American Bantam was just barely in the car business by that time, and was in no shape to take the project over.)

I'm no big fan of SUVs, but I do like these old-timers. They remind me of a big, friendly dog --- they're sloppy, clunky, bulky, but a great pal to have when you need them, and they even look "cute" from certain angles, unlike today's SUVs, which look like Mack trucks. (If I wanted to drive a Mack truck, I'd go to the Pittsburgh Diesel Institute and get paid to drive one.)

So, that's my (mostly) environmentally unfriendly "wish list," inspired by "Jalopnik." Next week, we'll return you to your regularly scheduled Mon-Yough minutia and assorted other nonsense. Your comments are still welcome for your automotive guilty pleasures --- we've already gotten votes for '57 Chevys and "something large and pink with fins to annoy the neighbors," which is exactly in the spirit of yesterday's Almanac.

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Lest you think I'm exaggerating the problem with these old beasties, by the way, take a goggle at this 1967 road test over at Oldsmobility.com of several of what are now considered highly desirable, classic "muscle cars," like Pontiac GTOs, Chevy Chevelles and Oldsmobile 4-4-2s. The reviewers from Road Test magazine blast every single car --- their handling is almost uniformly bad, the brakes are worse, and the ergonomics are virtually non-existent. And the "quality" is laughable --- the Olds blows a radiator hose during testing.

The "good old days"? Haw haw haw.

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To Do This Weekend: McKeesport Little Theater, corner of Coursin and Bailey streets, presents Neil Simon's "Jake's Women," tonight and Saturday at 8 p.m. A special Mother's Day brunch performance is set for 12 noon on Sunday, but reservations are necessary. Call (412) 673-1100.