Category: default || By jt3y

As we helpfully were informed earlier this week by Peter Leo, today is National Limerick Day. As usual on these occasions, we were moved to verse:

A quite nervous bloke from Versailles,
Had the habit of biting his nails.
His wife in frustration,
Sent him out on vacation.
Now he's pulling his hair out in Wales.

A nasty young lad from Port Vue,
Had a day off with nothing to do.
So he tortured a frog,
Shaved the hair off his dog,
And flushed his poor cat down the loo.

Said an ex-steelworker named Bart:
"I'm trying hard not to lose heart,
"But when I worked in Duquesne,
"I ran a fifty-ton crane,
"Now I'm a greeter out at the Wal-Mart."

A dirty old man in West Mifflin,
Lived his days in an orgy of sin.
He'd gamble all morn,
Spend his lunchtime with porn,
And at night consume gallons of gin.

Many a Mon Valley nipper,
Feeling unusually chipper,
Has just two words spoken,
Quote: "Kennywood's open."
Which means, "Please examine your zipper."

A young girl on the Christy Park bus,
Said "I don't mean to be making a fuss,
"But on Walnut we ran over,
"A beagle named Rover,
"An old lady and a man in a truss."

This one was inspired by a recent event in the news:

The former police chief in Rankin,
Ill-gotten profits was bankin'
His defense wasn't cricket:
He tried eating the ticket,
And earned magisterial spankin'.

These limericks are public service announcements:

Next Tuesday's primary election,
Is escaping the voters' detection.
Except in Pittsburgh, alas,
Where the voters, en masse,
Await Mayor Murphy's ejection.

County Executive Dan Onorato,
Speaking in voice quite staccato,
Says "Please reject the norm,
"Vote for row-office reform!"
(Would he have better luck playing the lotto?)

And finally:

I hope that you won't get all snitty,
If these limericks don't seem that witty.
You can post your retort,
Even if you're not from the 'port.
(Also called "Our Fair City.")

...

P.S.: At the bottom of a page of this blog,
Was a great poem about "Underdog."
The author, no rube,
Called himself "Dr. Boob,"
But his real name's not in my log.

(Go read it here.)