Category: default || By jt3y

(The story you are about to read is true. Only the names have been omitted to protect the author from a punch in the nose.)

Act 1, Scene 1

Setting: Int. Port Authority bus, day.

Dramatis personae

J.T., a balding writer from the Mon Valley, dressed in a short-sleeve dress shirt and tie, and carrying an umbrella;

Man 1, an unshaven 20-something white male, dressed in T-shirt, shorts, and baseball cap;

Man 2, a college-age white male carrying a backpack;

and various bus passengers.

(The scene opens on J.T.'s point of view. He is seated at about the middle of the bus. Various bus passengers are seated along both sides of the aisle. Man 1 is walking toward the rear of the bus, making his way along the aisle, asking the passengers a question. We cannot hear the question until he approaches J.T.)

Man 1 (sotto voce): Hey, man, can I use your cell phone?

J.T.: Sorry, I don't have a cell phone.

Man 1: S--t! (He moves one seat back, and says to Man 2): Hey, man, can I use your cell phone?

Man 2 (he is seated behind J.T.): Um, I guess. Who are you calling?

Man 1: I gotta call the courthouse, man. I'm supposed to be there at 1 o'clock, I think. I don't want them revoking the bond or no s--t.

Man 2: What's the number?

Man 1: 350-xxxx.

Man 2: Hold on. (He removes a phone from his pocket and dials the number, then passes the phone to Man 1.)

Man 1: It's ringing. Wait. What the f--k! S--t! (Voice louder now.) Hey, everybody remember this number ... 350-yyyy. F--k! (He hands the phone back to Man 1.) They changed the f--king number, man! Can you believe that? They changed the number! Only in Allegheny County, right? F--k! Who changes a number at the courthouse?

Man 2 (dialing the phone again): 350-yyyy, right?

Man 1: Right. Oh, man, thanks.

(Man 2 passes the phone to Man 1 again.)

Man 1 (into phone, loudly): Yeah, hello? Hello? Is the magisterial judge? My name's ----