Category: Alleged Journalism, Politics || By

Last week, a newspaper had the following headline on page 1, over what was described as an "investigative report":

WEAVE EPIDEMIC HITS COMMUNITY HARD:
Drawback is Hair Fall Out

Now, was that in the New Pittsburgh Courier, or The Onion?

I'll give you a hint: It wasn't raining last week. Those were bitter tears being wept in Heaven by Robert Vann, Teenie Harris and McKeesporter Hazel Garland.

Notes an Alert Reader: "Hard-hitting investigative stuff. With all of the problems in the black community -- black-on-black violence, fatherhood, just for two -- this is the subject they tackle. No doubt Vann has a new nickname in the cemetery -- 'Pinwheel.'"

Honestly, was it that slow in Pittsburgh that the Courier couldn't find anything else to write about? Jeepers.

. . .

In Other Business: In case you missed it, Colin Dunlap had a really wonderful piece in the Post-Gazette a week or so ago profiling the former Duquesne High School football players who transferred to East Allegheny, and who have proved to be a major factor in the Wildcats' current 6-3 record.

Writes Dunlap, "There have been no fights, no cross words, no hostility, no scenes. A divide anticipated by so many never materialized. Funny how things shake down -- the adults bicker and complain while the kids innately make it all work, meshing toward a common goal, ignoring the distractions."

The kids from Duquesne High, and their parents, are still awaiting their apologies from the North Versailles and East McKeesport "officials" who predicted anarchy would reign in the hallways at East Allegheny this year.

I hope they're not skipping desserts while they wait.

. . .

Wine, Wine, Whine: There was some great satire last Saturday by Chad Hermann over at Teacher. Wordsmith. Madman about the Picksberg mayoral race:

A Boy one day spied a beautiful bunch of FOP grapes hanging from a tree at a press conference along Banksville Road. The grapes seemed ready to burst with juicy endorsement, and the Boy's mouth watered as he gazed longingly at them.

The bunch hung from a branch with high standards and even higher expectations, so the Boy had to jump for it. The first time he jumped he missed it by a long way. The second time he jumped, he tried to knock them down with his golf clubs, but he still could not reach them. So he rode off a short distance in his Homeland Security SUV, had a couple of beers, and returned to try again, only to fall short once more. Again and again he tried, but always in vain.

Now he sat down and looked at the grapes in disgust.

"What a fool I am," he said. "Here I am wearing myself out to get a bunch of sour grapes that are not worth selling the taxpayers down the river for."

The moral, according to Hermann? "There are mayors who pretend to despise and belittle that which is beyond their reach."

Like this and this, I suppose.

. . .

And Finally: Last week, Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney "accidentally" confused the names of Democratic candidate Barack Obama and terrorist leader Osama Bin Laden.

According to Johnny Lightning last night on WBCQ, Obama has made an offer to Romney. Romney can continue to refer to Obama as "Osama," as long as Obama can refer to Romney as "that weirdo Mormon m.f.'er."

Hey, Johnny said it, not me.