Category: General Nonsense || By

Do you toot?

Sorry, I didn't mean to get so personal. Let me rephrase the question: Do you blow?

Er, that didn't sound right, either. What I'm trying to say is perfectly innocent: Do you honk your car's horn? (And does your car enjoy it? Cue Ed McMahon: Heigh-yo!)

A few weeks ago, during his regular chat at the Washington Post website, Gene Weingarten asked readers if they blow their horn when they're sitting behind a car that doesn't move when the light turns green, or which blocks an intersection.

If they do, he wanted to know, do they feel guilty?

. . .

Weingarten's poll didn't address the different degrees of honking. I don't think it's rude to give someone two friendly blips --- beep, beep! --- if they don't notice the light. And if someone does something dangerous, by all means, give them a full-throated honk --- BLLAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTT!!!.

Some people don't know the difference, unfortunately. I'll give you an example. If you're familiar with the intersection (I almost said a bad word, starting with "cluster") next to Bettis Atomic Power Laboratory in Dravosburg, you know that it's an outdated mess, both day and night.

If the traffic lights were ever synchronized, they're not any more, which means traffic on Richland Avenue (also known as "Pittsburgh-McKeesport Boulevard" or "Dravosburg Hill") sometimes waits for several minutes in the middle of the night for non-existent vehicles to exit Bettis Road.

Lord help you if you're in-bound down Dravosburg Hill to the city or Glassport from West Mifflin, and someone wants to make a left turn against traffic onto Bettis Road. You might wait through an entire cycle. Then traffic backs up Lebanon Church Road toward the airport through the other red light; I've seen traffic stacked to Mr. Hoagie on a Sunday night for no discernible reason, except that the lights are mistimed.

. . .

A few days ago, I was stuck in a long line of cars trying to head toward the Mansfield Bridge from Lebanon Church Road. Traffic was backed up through two red lights. We waited through one red-green-yellow cycle, and a second. Then some idiot about five cars behind me started leaning on his horn: BLLLLLLLLLAAAAAAATTTTTTT.

I wrote about this a few years ago. What's a goofball like that think he's accomplishing?

(And maybe I'm being very presumptuous to assume it was a guy who was honking. Sue me.)

Any enlightenment on the topic of horn-honking etiquette --- at least as we practice it in the Mon Valley and Greater Picksberg --- would be appreciated. Drop your comments in the slot below.