Category: General Nonsense || By

It turns out that my grandfather may deserve some of the credit (some say blame) for the 1963 film "A Visit to Santa."

As discussed at the Almanac last week, the 11-minute feature by Pittsburgh-based Clem Williams Films was shot mainly in McKeesport and features shots of Market Street, Fifth Avenue, Olympia Shopping Center and (possibly) the interior of The Famous.

The film, which was shown on Turner Classic Movies over the holidays, has developed something of a cult following on the Internet, mostly among people who can't believe how bad it is.

It even has the dubious distinction of having been mocked by MIchael J. Nelson.

Yes, Mike Nelson from "Mystery Science Theater 3000." Take heart, McKeesporters: If you're going to be mocked, you might as well be mocked by the best.

His website, Rifftrax, calls this slice of life in Our Fair City "a Christmas short of unknown origin that most probably was the result of Santa's short-lived collaboration with the producing team of Screwtape and Wormwood.

"Rather than being a right jolly old elf, Santa here is depicted as the Dark Prince of a vast slave empire made up entirely of children under 10 --- it's Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom with less dignified clothing. Or put another way it's Manos: The Hands of Fate without the elephantiasis."

Over the holiday, I screened "A Visit to Santa" for Tube City Almanac's quality control inspector (my mom) in hopes that she could identify some of the scenes.

She's not sure if the department store scenes were shot inside The Famous (she remembers the store being shabby during her childhood in the 1960s) though she agrees none of the city's other stores sported wooden floors and tall ceilings.

But she thinks the "Santa Village" was inside the Penn-McKee Hotel --- specifically in the arcade of shops on the first floor. The elevator and the nearby paneling were the clues, she says.

And then she dropped the bomb: "Clem Williams Films? I remember them. We used to go out there all the time when your grandfather was in the Eagles."

"To rent movies?"

"Oh, sure. For parties and at Christmas time he'd rent movies and cartoons from Clem Williams Films."

"Do you think that could be the reason that Clem Williams Films shot the Christmas footage in McKeesport? Because Pap always rented movies from Clem Williams at Christmas?"

"Well, McKeesport would have had one of the largest Christmas parades around, outside of Pittsburgh. But sure, it's a possibility."

Unfortunately, I can't ask my grandfather. He's been gone 13 years this week. But if he was in some small way responsible for what viewers have called an "intriguing but painful" movie and "the most disturbing children's film I've ever seen," I guess I can only beam with pride.

. . .

P.S.: About those reviews of "A Visit to Santa" ... Alert Reader Brian writes:

"I read all the comments, most smug from their safe position of modern technological sophistication. In the '70s, Saturday Night Live gave a once-a week dose of sarcasm. Now everyone is a jaded commentator.

"Not that I love the film, but that was 45 years ago and things were a lot different. I was born a year later and we grew up with a black-and-white TV. Our first movie camera in 1974 was a big deal. (It came with a light for the top that was bigger than the camera.)

"Little kids don't need much in the way of realism to enjoy things. How many school plays even today look much better? Oh well, I guess I'm jaded on sarcasm!"

. . .

Bank on It: We don't get much U.S. mail at Tube City Online World News Headquarters on the hill above McKeesport, but a package I recently received gave me pause. It was small, round, fairly heavy and wrapped in several layers of cellophane tape.

It wasn't leaking anything, and it wasn't ticking, but still I had to wonder who I'd offended this time. The Regional Chamber Alliance? The Pittsburgh Public Works Department?

But it had a return address in Belle Vernon, and would an angry reader put their return address on a tiny little pipe bomb?

Rather than wait for the volunteer fire department, I decided to take it outside and carefully peel it open.

It turned out to be a stack of drink coasters bearing the logo of Western Pennsylvania National Bank! Inside was a note from Alert Reader Tom, who sent them because he enjoyed the article on WPNB and First National Bank of McKeesport.

Thanks, Tom! Now I need to find out who left the horse's head in my bed. A foreign car dealer, maybe?