Category: default || By jt3y

A friend who dabbles part-time in broadcasting told me yesterday that he's not listening to any commercial radio until at least next week, because he can't stand the political advertising. Believe it or not, he's put one of those satellite radios in his car, and he's getting a lot of use out of it. (It bodes poorly for the future of free over-the-air radio, if you ask me, when broadcasters start buying satellite radios. But I digress.)

I decided to take a listen to a few commercial stations this morning to see what he was talking about. As best as I could transcribe the commercials (it's hard to type in a moving car), here's what they sounded like. I don't know whether these are the kinds of ads he finds so obnoxious.

...

ANNOUNCER: This ad is not paid for by any candidate or party. It is paid for by the Truth, Justice and American Way Commission, a non-partisan, non-profit organization.

MUSIC: (None.)

SFX: (Busy coffee shop.)

MAN: They say John Kerry's a flip-flopper.

WOMAN: Well, I know one thing he's never flip-flopped on.

MAN: What's that?

WOMAN: Do you know that after 20 years in the Senate, John Kerry has never once voted against cannibalism?

MAN: Really?

WOMAN: That's right. He never voted against it, and he never introduced any legislation to stop cannibalism.

MAN: Wow! Does that mean that John Kerry supports the consumption of human flesh?

WOMAN: To tell you the truth, we just don't know.

MAN: Well, I know who I'm voting for! I'm voting for the man who I know is against cannibalism! President Bush!

WOMAN: You said it! Remember on November Second to vote against cannibalism, and for George W. Bush!

...

ANNOUNCER: Paid for by People United for Motherhood, Apple Pie, Chevrolet and America, Inc., and not authorized by any candidate or party.

MUSIC: (Ominous, with lots of diminished chords)

ANNOUNCER: Before Election Day, ask yourself the following questions. What kind of a man tortures puppies for sport?

What kind of a man stays home at night and becomes sexually aroused by watching slides of car crash and fire victims?

What kind of a man shoots another man in Reno just to watch him bleed?

What kind of a man would tug on Superman's cape? Or spit into the wind? Or pull the mask off of the old Lone Ranger?

Now, ask yourself this: What kind of a man is John Kerry?

On Tuesday, November Second, remember to vote to re-elect President George W. Bush.

...

MUSIC: (A lone trumpet plays stirring patriotic music, while someone in the background beats a tympani drum.)

ANNOUNCER: Since taking office, President Bush has tirelessly worked to keep skunks off of the lawns of America's great monuments to peace, to ensure that school children don't get a face full of stink while they're on field trips.

He has refused to enact crippling taxes on crutches and orthopedic shoes for young people.

He has sent a clear message to our nation's public schools that it's not OK to hire terrorists to teach in our classrooms.

Senator John Kerry? We just don't know where he stands.

On November Second, vote for President George W. Bush. For the sake of our children.

MUSIC: (SWELLS, and then OUT.)

ANNOUNCER: The preceding advertisement was not authorized by any party or political candidate. It was paid for by the Committee of Citizens Who Love Freedom and Hate Evil.

...

All I have to say is, thank goodness for the McCain-Feingold campaign finance reform bill! It sure did put a crimp on all of those negative attack commercials that used to run on radio before an election!

I'm going to call my friend today and ask him two questions. First: Are these the commercials that are leaving him so disgusted?

And also, just how much does one of those satellite radios cost, anyway?