Category: default || By jt3y

NEWS ITEM: In speeches in Pennsylvania and Ohio Wednesday, President Bush invoked the names of Democrats Franklin Roosevelt, Harry Truman and John Kennedy by way of accusing Kerry of "taking a narrow, defensive view of the war on terror," then summoned memories of Lyndon Johnson and Hubert Humphrey to accuse his rival of shortchanging public education. "If you're a Democrat, and your dreams and goals are not found in the far left wing of the Democrat party. I'd be honored to have your vote." (The Associated Press)

Taking a tip from William Safire of The New York Times, who regularly calls Richard Nixon in the great beyond, I decided to contact former President Harry Truman last night to see how he felt about being brought up in a George W. Bush campaign speech.

It took a while to place the call, but I finally reached Truman with the help of a friendly operator at AT&T (Afterlife Telephone & Telegraph).

Mr. President, what do you think of President George W. Bush?

"I don't trust him, and never will," Truman told me. "He's one of the few in the history of this country to run for high office talking out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and lying out of both sides."1

While talking once about American history, you said you doubted that Ulysses S. Grant had ever read the U.S. Constitution. Do you think President Bush has?

"I don't know," Truman said. "But I'll tell you this. If he has, he doesn't understand it."2

Do you think he's running a good campaign?

"I could have stayed right in Washington and licked him," Truman said. "My goodness, if I'd ever had a chance to run against him, it would have been the easiest campaign I ever had."3

Do you like President Bush's speeches?

"Any talk at all from him is too damn long," Truman said, with a snort.4

The President calls himself a "compassionate conservative" and has compared his social programs to those of Lyndon Johnson and Hubert Humphrey. Do you think he's accurate?

"He not only doesn't give a damn about the people, he doesn't know how to tell the truth," Truman said. "I don't think the son-of-a-bitch knows the difference between telling the truth and lying."5

How about offering some advice to John Kerry?

"Every time he makes a speech, he loses ten thousand votes," Truman said. "If you're running against George W. Bush, you don't have to say anything. You don't even have to get out of bed in the morning to beat him."6

Have you liked Kerry's campaign so far?

"He always spent a lot more time worrying about how he was going to say something than he did on what he was going to say," Truman said. "If you're telling people the truth, you don't have to worry about your prose. People will get the idea.

"He's a very smart fella, but there were some things he never got through his head, and one of them was how to talk to people."7

If and when Bush loses on Tuesday, what will be the reason?

"Because he is a shifty-eyed, goddamn liar, and people know it. I can't see how the son-of-a-bitch even carried one state."8

At that point, Truman excused himself --- he and Bess apparently had a bridge game set up with George C. Marshall and his wife --- and we parted.

I asked the operator to connect me to Lyndon Johnson, so that he could give me an opinion on the current president --- who is a fellow Texan, after all --- but she couldn't seem to place the call. At one point, I did hear a long string of Southern-accented profanity with the words "Bush" repeated frequently, which may or may not have been LBJ, but the language is too raw to be reprinted here.

Stay tuned for further updates as events warrant.

...

All of the Truman quotes are taken from Merle Miller's 1973 book "Plain Speaking: An Oral Biography of Harry S. Truman." The quotes about Kerry were actually things that Truman said about Adlai Stevenson and California Gov. Pat Brown.

The quotes about Bush are things that Truman said about the man whose name was lustily applauded at the Republican National Convention --- the man who inspired Arnold Schwarzenegger to become a Republican. I assumed that Bush admires that man, too, and that he wouldn't mind being compared to him.

I won't mention his name, but I'll give you two guesses who Truman thought was a "shifty-eyed goddamn liar," and the first guess doesn't count.

Finally, speaking on behalf of myself and the other Democrats in my family, I'd like to thank President Bush for inviting us to vote for him, and provide our response in plain, simple terms that I know he understands.

...

Footnotes

1 - Merle Miller, "Plain Speaking: An Oral Biography of Harry S. Truman," (New York: Berkeley Publishing Co.), p. 190. (Go back.)

2 - Op. cit, p. 364. (Go back.)

3 - Op. cit, p. 188. (Go back.)

4 - Op. cit, p. 190. (Go back.)

5 - Op. cit, p. 139. (Go back.)

6 - Op. cit, p. 188. (Go back.)

7 - Op. cit, p. 271. (Go back.)

8 - Op. cit, p. 188. (Go back.)