Category: default || By jt3y

You know Ed, it was pretty cold today.

(How cold was it?)

Well, Ed, it was so cold that I saw a politician on Grant Street with his hands in his own pockets.

It's so cold that I saw a guy at CoGo's dumping ice cubes down his trousers to warm up.

And that's not even the worst problem Colteryahn's is having; their cows are giving soft-serve ice cream. But I wouldn't eat the chocolate.

It's so cold that the flame at the top of the smokestack at the Irvin Works is frozen solid.

It's so cold I saw someone warming their hands on a witch's ... um ... hat.

It's so cold a kid licked someone coming out of the Polish National Alliance, and his tongue stayed there.

(That's a joke grenade. It takes a while to go off.)

It's so cold that the DPW is out at Renzie Park, feeding hot sauce to the ducks at Lake Emilie to keep them from freezing to the water.

It's so cold that people in Downtown Pittsburgh are buying hot pretzels just to scrape off the salt and throw it on the sidewalks.

It's so cold that the hearts of two state legislators just melted.

It's so cold that the Port Authority has decided to privatize its transit routes --- and they gave the contract to Seven Springs.

It's so cold that the polar bears at the Pittsburgh Zoo have asked to be traded to the Phoenix Zoo for two penguins and a seal to be named later.

It's so cold that two Penguins have also asked to be traded to Phoenix.

In fact, it's so cold that the National Hockey League has cancelled all of its games on account of cold weather. Oh, wait, never mind.

But it is so cold that you can ice the pucks while they're on the shelves at Natale's.

It's so cold that for 99 cents, Sam's Hot Dogs will line your pockets with hot chili and onions.

It's so cold that White Oak has renamed "Foster Road" as "Defroster Road," while "Cool Spring Road" is now know as "Damned Cold Spring Road." Lincoln Way, meantime, is being called "Frozen Booger Boulevard," for no apparent reason.

It's so cold that States Tire is selling snow tires made from real snow.

It's so cold that ER doctors at UPMC McKeesport have just issued the following warning to high school boys: Do not attempt to write your name in the snow if your name is "Theophilus Jehosaphat Morganfield."

It's so cold that I've run this idea firmly into the ground. Anyone want to contribute their own "it's so cold" ideas? Click on the comment link, but keep 'em PG-rated.