Category: default || By jt3y

Well, this is really what the 10th Ward needed, if you ask me. Beemer's, the restaurant on West Fifth Avenue that was at one time Doneldo's (and I can't remember what was at that location before that), has converted itself into a "gentlemen's club."

And "gentlemen's club" is a euphemism for "strippers," just in case you thought a "gentlemen's club" was a place where men wearing top hats and monocles sipped dry martinis and discussed global politics.

At a gentlemen's club, the featured performers may, in fact, wear top hats and monocles, but there isn't any place for them to attach their pocket watches, if you get my drift.

Visitors entering (no jokes, please) Our Fair City from the west will now welcomed by a junkyard (excuse me, "a metal recycling center"), a dirty book store (an "adult novelties emporium") and a strip club (a "nudie bar").

Yeah, that'll help McKeesport's image.

On the other hand, we need more retail establishments in town, and there's a certain amount of synergy available between the dirty book store and the nudie bar. Maybe they should pass coupons for the book store out at Beemers ... "Stop on your way home and pick up something for later!" They could print them on Kleenex tissues.

Incidentally, I often stop for gas at the 7-Eleven station at the end of the Mansfield Bridge --- just across the street from the book store --- and I frequently see near-accidents at the store's driveway. If someone gets T-boned (again, please, no jokes) in front of the store, how do they explain that to the wife or girlfriend? ("I thought it was where the bible readings were being held! Honest!")

When I was a little kid, I asked what they sold at the "adult newsstand." I was told "out-of-town newspapers." To show you just how dumb I am, I believed that for a long, long time.

Well, they may sell something there called the "Filly Inquirer" there, but let me tell you, it don't have much of an editorial page. (But it does carry box scores. Bada-bing! Am I right?)

Anyway, I ate at Beemer's on a few occasions. I found the food a little pricey for the quality, and the menu fairly limited, and although the atmosphere was nice, it wasn't great. So I'm not surprised that the parking lot seemed empty many nights.

Now, far be it from me to tell anyone how to run their business (too late!), but perhaps someone should have addressed the prices, and the menu, before deciding to throw in the towel ... or the thong, as it were.

But since they're going down this road, let me make a modest suggestion to the proprietors, if they happen to read this.

Fellas, "Beemer's" doesn't really mean anything to your loyal clientele.

Why not rename your club something that harkens back to McKeesport's heritage?

A name that is appropriate to the industry you've chosen but reflective of McKeesport's glorious traditions?

A name which can't help but conjure up memories rich with history, nostalgia, passion and penicillin among several generations of McKeesporters?

Call it "Brick Alley," the name of McKeesport's notorious red-light district in the '30s, '40s, '50s and '60s (as well as a pretty good novel by David Chacko set in said red-light district).

But wait! Oops! I just did a search on "Brick Alley" and "McKeesport" and found out it's the name of an aspiring hip-hop group. Their webpage is complete with a background of picture of Brick Alley its own self, and you can listen to some of their music.

Well, how about "National Tube: The Perfect Place to Erect Some Pipe"?

No?

On second thought, maybe I should quit while I'm ahead.