February 17, 2006

Good Evening, Mr. and Miss Anthropy

I woke up on the wrong side of the bed today. (Actually, there is no right side of the bed for me.)

So here's a few nice, hot steaming cups of cynicism for you today, served up with a big dollop of sarcasm and nastiness ... just the way you like it!

...

Homestead Borough Council is investigating possibilities for the construction of a new municipal building, report the P-G and the Valley Mirror. Currently, borough offices are housed in the Steel Valley Council of Governments Building --- formerly Homestead High School. (Everyone except the police, who are down in the old post office.)

Let me get this straight. Homestead Borough is an Act 47 financially distressed community, and has been since 1994. The property taxes are 10.5 mills, higher than any neighboring community: Munhall's taxes, for example, are 7.75 mills, West Mifflin's are 5.27, West Homestead's are 9.31, Whitaker's are 8.43. The borough also socks residents with a 1.1 percent wage tax instead of the usual 0.5 percent.

But Homestead Borough Council is thinking about taking on more debt by building or buying a new town hall. Does that make a lot of sense to you?

Me neither.

Since all of the municipalities that encompass The Waterfront gave the developers a big tax giveback to entice the shopping development to the Steel Valley, perhaps Homestead should also for office space there at a free or reduced rate.

Ah! But perhaps Homestead Council has a bit of an edifice complex these days, 'cause West Homestead just built a nice, new borough building.

Well, if they like West Homestead's borough building, why don't they just rent space there? It's literally a few blocks from the Homestead Borough line. Better yet, why don't they seek a merger with West Homestead?

Or ... maybe borough officials could build a monument to their own importance and send the bill to the few remaining taxpayers.

That's just me. I've been told before that I have an attitude problem.

...

Speaking of Homestead: Because of two fatal accidents and a bunch of near-misses, the borough is closing the Amity Street railroad crossing for cars leaving The Waterfront. All traffic must now exit via the notoriously jammed-up "flyover bridge" at the Rankin end of the complex, or onto the Homestead High-Level Bridge near the Loews movie theater.

I've said it before, and I will say it again: There is a special place in hell reserved for the so-called "engineers" who designed the access roads to The Waterfront.

...

Still plenty of free parking at Olympia Shopping Center in McKeesport, by the way, and easy access from Walnut Street and Route 48. I'm just sayin', is all.

...

The Philadelphia Inquirer reports that presumptive Republican gubernatorial nominee Lynn Swann is "proud" of his voting record, despite skipping 20 of the last 36 elections, and "despite once criticizing people who do not exercise their right to vote."

According to the Allentown Morning Call, when reporters tried to question him about his voting record yesterday, he walked away from them.

A spokesman says Swann was "running late" for a fund-raising event. Nice to see his priorities are in order.

...

Families of children in the Duquesne City School District are "not convinced" that closing the high school, and sending the children elsewhere, would be the best educational option, wrote Karen Roebuck recently in the Tribune-Review.

What would convince them? Duquesne has been under state control as a financially and academically distressed district since 2000. The board of control has already eliminated nearly every extracurricular activity in the district to save money.

Meanwhile, the state has to use sonar and post-hole diggers to measure the test scores for some of the kids, and the graduation rate is abysmal.

Instead of working for the best educational opportunities for the kids, however, the parents are attacking the messengers; mainly, state Sen. Sean Logan, who may introduce legislation to dissolve the school district.

Grow up, folks. Logan deserves a big "atta-boy" for speaking the unpopular truth.

On the other hand, nothing but scorn should be reserved for the officials of the surrounding school districts who are running and hiding rather than open their doors to Duquesne's students. They can make up whatever excuses they like, but to me, it stinks.

And anyone who lives in the Mon-Yough area can fill in the blanks as to the real reasons why the neighboring school districts are hiding.

...

Finally, from the Tube City Almanac National Affairs Desk: The Kenedy County Sheriff's Department has concluded its inquiry into the accidental shooting of attorney Harry Whittington by Vice President Dick Cheney.

According to the Houston Chronicle, "'The report is out, and no charges will be filed against anybody, and that's it,' said Sheriff Ramon Salinas III, who left his office without answering further questions."

Afterward, he and Barney went over to Floyd's Barber Shop, where they got ready for their dates with Miss Crump and Thelma Lou.

Points to ponder: Kenedy County has a population of only 400 people. So I'm presuming --- perhaps unfairly --- that the Kenedy County Sheriff's Department doesn't exactly rival New Scotland Yard in its crime detection prowess. And the ranch where Cheney and Whittington were hunting is some 50,000 acres, and is owned by one of the area's most prominent (and wealthiest) families.

Now, I'm not suggesting that the Vice President of the United States should be handcuffed, slammed into the back of a squad car, and whisked away to the station to be interrogated under the hot lights. (At least not for this incident.)

But am I the only one who suspects that this inquiry by Sheriff Salinas might not have been ... erm, how do I say this? ... the most strenuous police investigation ever conducted?

...

Don't I ever write anything nice? Sure. Right here:

To Do This Weekend: Carnegie Free Library of Braddock, 419 Library St., celebrates Black History Month and Presidents' Day this Saturday starting at 11 a.m. Events include stories for kids, crafts, and creation of a unity wreath. Call (412) 351-5357 ... The Kiger-Brannon Band brings their Southern-fried rock sound to Beemer's on West Fifth Avenue tonight at 9:30. Call (412) 678-7400.

Posted at 07:36 am by jt3y
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February 16, 2006

On Top of the News in the 51 Corridor

I haven't seen this widely reported, but the owners of the Daily News have purchased the 51 Corridor, the fledgling weekly newspaper serving the Brentwood-Baldwin-Pleasant Hills area. An old classmate of mine, Brian Krasman, has been named the editor.

Congratulations to Brian and the News staff are in order, and I hope the News is able to make it a roaring success. The addition of new content (much of it repackaged News stories, but some of it exclusive to the Corridor) has already improved what had been a fairly motley looking paper.

I've also noticed the News is picking up stories about Westmoreland County from its sister paper, the Latrobe Bulletin. I can only say that's a good move, too, especially if the News wants to hold onto --- and expand --- its sales in North Huntingdon, West Newton, and elsewhere.

Anything that ensures the News' long-term survival is a good thing for Our Fair City and the Mon-Yough area.

One suggestion which may or may not be worth the newsstand price of a 51 Corridor: The mailing address is now the same as the Daily News', zip code and all. That is not going to fly with people from Brentwood, Baldwin, etc., who think they're Pittsburghers. They (foolishly, say I) want nothing to do with Our Fair City.

So, I would strongly recommend that the News at the very least open a post-office box in Brentwood. Better yet, they should put some "drop boxes" for community announcements, ad copy, etc., at each of the local businesses along Brownsville Road, and put a small sales office in a prominent location along Route 51.

Ditto for the phone number ... call the number now listed in the 51 Corridor, and a pleasant voice answers, "Thank you for calling The Daily News." Smarter to get a Pittsburgh phone number and, at the very least, have it forwarded to McKeesport, where it can be answered appropriately "51 Corridor, may I help you?"

It's free advice, and worth every penny!

What can I say ... I nag because I care. Is that so wrong?

Posted at 08:03 am by jt3y
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February 16, 2006

Yinzers Of The World, Unite!

I'm working on a couple of rally cries. Anyone want to help?

"Say it loud! I'm a yinzer and I'm proud!"

"Let your yinz flag fly free, jagoffs!"

"We're here! We're yinzers! Get used to it n'at!"

"If it says yinzer yinzer yinzer on the label label label, you will like it like it like it on the table table table!"

(That last one needs work.)

At the risk of unleashing an avalanche of angry email and comments (given the size of the Almanac's audience, it would be more like a "shovelful"), I'm going to stand up and embrace the "yinzer" label.

The world of online correspondence and essaying ("blogging," a word I despise, sounds like something you do after drinking 12 bottles of Stoney's) is insular enough as it is, so I don't like to write too much about things that are happening at other people's websites.

But Professor Mike Madison, proprietor of Pittsblog, got shellacked last week after he used the word "yinzer" in a headline about the Steelers. ('Scuse me ... the Stillers.)

Instantly, the great vengeance and furious anger of the Stiller Nation swooped down and smote (smited? smat?) Madison:

Mike, I guess I shouldn't expect you to know this, but many Pittsburghers consider "yinzer" to be a classist, offensive word. It's a pejorative word that makes "jagoff" seem tame in comparison.

I'd equate Yinzer with Hick, just with different colloquial attributes. Neither's nice, so I prefer 'Burgher.

(Almanac aside: "Burgher"? Oh, spare me. That's as dumb as the idiotic "It's a 'Burgh Thing" ad campaign done by Iron City Beer a few years ago. Perhaps you've heard their new campaign: "Not paying your sewerage bill? It's a 'Burgh Thing.")

I once met someone who was from Mt. Lebo, who upon hearing where I was from, said, "Oh you really are a yinzer". For what it's worth, I didn't take it as a compliment.

How does it make you feel that your most commented on post is regarding a regional term for rednecks?

For what it's worth, I've never heard anyone use the term "yinzer" in a complementary way.

I would like to point out how inflammatory it is to people from Pittsburgh to call them Yinzers. I feel as if this is similar to in communities of Compton or Bed-Stuy where if you drop the N word and are not one you get shot -- the same should be said in Pittsburgh with the Y word.

On that last one, now, really, please. You're being sarcastic, right? If not, let's try a little experiment. Let's take a trip to a bar in Our Fair City or Duquesne or Munhall some night and talk to the people inside. I'll call someone a "yinzer" and you call someone an "N-word."

But first, let me know where you'd like your remains sent.

Do you ever get the impression that Picksbergers are just a teensy, weensy, itsy-witsy bit too concerned with their image? Is there a major metropolitan city more obsessed with its marketing perception than the Picksberg area (some of us consider it "Greater McKeesport")?

Evidence? Some columnist from Denver shot off his typewriter about Picksberg, and people didn't react to the obvious fabrications and errors --- they got incensed that he didn't like their town. Boo-hoo! They sent him insults and death threats.

An economic development guy from Detroit (economic development in Detroit ... ha! ha!) said the Motor City is "a lot closer to the lattes and laptops of Seattle than to the Rust Belt of Pittsburgh" --- and was forced by angry Steelers fans to apologize.

(By the way, I'm a regular reader of two fine online journals by Detroit-area residents --- one by the anonymous writer known only as "Detroitblog" and the other by former newspaper columnist Nancy Nall. If what they say is true --- and I suspect it is --- than Detroit is "close to the lattes and laptops of Seattle" like the Versailles Borough Building is close to the Palace of Versailles.)

And then there's the yinzer tempest in an web-pot.

...

Picksbergers, get a life. Why do you care what someone who's never been to this area thinks of it?

Businesses looking to relocate somewhere are not turned off of this region by the lack of an effective image campaign, or by its steel-making heritage.

Oh, they may be turned off by our 19th century transportation system, our patchwork quilt of competing municipalities and economic development agencies, and our byzantine tax code, but the fact that some schmuck from Denver, Detroit or Dubuque slags off Pittsburgh isn't the deciding factor as to whether an entrepreneur decides to locate a business here. (If it is, the entrepreneur isn't much of one.)

And you know what? All of you people upset because the guy from Denver called Pittsburgh "butt-ugly"?

Well, take a look at some of the litter tossed out of car windows by Pittsburghers --- not by residents of Denver --- along the major highways leading into the city. I have never seen so much litter anywhere else but Western Pennsylvania, with the possible exception of along the New Jersey Turnpike leading into New York City --- and that is not a flattering comparison.

Take a look at the weeds and dirt that have accumulated along some of our local bridge ramps and overpasses (the mess under the Whitaker side of the Rankin Bridge, for instance, is appalling).

Or take a look at the abandoned houses and buildings that dot the neighborhoods of the Mon-Yough area.

You know what I call those things? Butt-ugly. Instead of writing nasty letters to newspaper columnists, how about a few (not nasty) letters to your elected representatives?

Instead of calling Fred Honsberger to vent on the radio, how about calling the Allegheny County Department of Public Works or local PennDOT district office?

And instead of going to Steelers rallies, how about attending your next borough council or township commissioners' meeting? (Don't know when or where it is? Email me, and I'll find out for you. 'Cause that's the kind of public-service minded guy your Almanac editor is.)

Personally, I wonder how many people are offered a job around here, fly into town, and have to stare at piles of trash along the Parkway East, or have to drive past boarded-up, burned out buildings on Eighth Avenue in Homestead, and think that's Pittsburgh, and go home thinking, "There is no way in hell I am moving here."

In other words: You want to improve Pittsburgh's image? Then improve Pittsburgh. No amount of chamber-of-commerce puffery is going to pick up the empty pop cans and coffee cups along Lysle Boulevard.

...

As for the "yinzer" label, I first heard that 15 years ago in college, used as a playful insult by people from Noo Yawk and Noo Joisey. I just helpfully pointed out that if anyone knows about talking funny, it's people from Noo Yawk and Noo Joisey.

Geez, people, develop a thicker skin. Do people from Noo Yawk get enraged when outsiders don't like Noo Yawk? Gedoutahere. Fuggedaboutit.

As a yinzer, I don't mind being called a "yinzer." Heck, as a person of Slavic descent, I don't even mind being called a "hunky."

So, I refuse to get agitated about "yinzer." As a matter of fact, I take it as a matter of pride that Pittsburgh has a unique regional dialect. Few metro areas can claim that --- what's the regional dialect of Columbus, Ohio, for instance? Or Indianapolis? Or Seattle? You've got to be playing in the big leagues, like Noo Yawk, Chicago, Philly and Detroit, to claim your own regional accent.

By the way, if the experience of comedians like Jim Krenn and Buzz Nutley is accurate, then most Pittsburghers fully embrace their yinzerdom. Writes Scott Mervis in the Post-Gazette, nothing makes Pittsburghers laugh harder than jokes about Pittsburgh: "'You can never go wrong with jokes about the accent,' says local comic Auggie Cook. 'Just look at how well Jimmy Krenn has done with [his character] Stanley P. Kachowski.'"

Besides, there are many worse things to be called than "yinzer." "Clevelander," for instance. (Rimshot.)

...

P.S. By the way, I mentioned that columnist from Denver. It turns out that the Almanac has helped wrangle a sort-of apology from the Rocky Mountain News, according to Westword, an alternative weekly in the mile-high city:

There are so many things wrong with "Shot-and-Beer Pittsburgh Froths at Mouth," a January 18 effort by Rocky Mountain News columnist Bill Johnson, that counting them all would require a calculator with the power of a nuclear reactor -- but one stands out above the rest. Johnson described driving past a dude wearing a dress and holding a sign reading "I BET AGAINST THE STEELERS," but it turns out that this scene, which starred Pittsburgh-area resident Mike Gerrity, took place before Johnson was even in town. He actually saw it on a television news broadcast, as the Rocky acknowledged in a February 3 correction. ...

Several of Johnson's online detractors considered this part of his narrative to be a straightforward fabrication, and it's tough to dispute their logic.

Johnson doesn't bother to try, at least not in this venue. He sent Westword an e-mail stating that he had "nothing to say" beyond comments already provided by Rocky editor/publisher/president John Temple. For his part, Temple believes that the correction was an "appropriate" way to address Johnson's actions, which he sees as "sloppy" rather than devious. "I take it very seriously," he said, "and Bill does, too."

And nobody takes it as seriously as us yinzers! Today we redd up Picksberg, tomorrow, we redd up journalism! Because let's face it: It needs cleaned-up.

Posted at 07:52 am by jt3y
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February 13, 2006

An Explanation

Sorry for the lack of Almanac updates lately. I thought I just had the flu, but in reality, my doctor says I was accidentally shot by Dick Cheney. The symptoms are very similar, I guess.

An update is coming soon, I promise. Expect it to arrive well before the Greensburg-Findlay Township maglev, the Mon-Fayette Expressway, or those luxury condos that Regis Possino is promising to put in The People's Building.

Posted at 11:32 pm by jt3y
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