Well, I shot off my mouth a few days ago wondering why Barry Stein, the developer renovating Midtown Plaza Mall, hadn't done anything else with the structure for about a year --- leaving a big ugly rubble-strewn complex on Fifth Avenue, Downtown.
(Actually, that's not fair --- Midtown Plaza was both "big" and "ugly" long before Stein came to town.)
Ann Belser set me straight in Thursday's Post-Gazette ... Stein has been waiting for the city, which controls the parking garage above the mall, to repair structural problems in the concrete deck that cause leaks in the stores.
Well, it looks as if city council has approved a $1 million contract to renovate the garage, which should (fingers crossed here) allow Stein to move forward with the rest of the complex.
With all of the people working over at EchoStar's call center now, it escapes me why there isn't more retail activity going on Downtown again. We've got a captive audience.
I hope a new, less ugly Midtown Plaza sparks some of that activity.
And apologies to Mr. Stein if I implied that he was dragging his feet on this issue, but I desperately want to see something going on down there.
. . .
If you didn't read Mayor Brewster's "state of the city" address, as recounted in Thursday night's Daily News, get thee to a library (or the News lobby and lay your hands on a copy.
I'd link to it, but, well, you know ... it's subscribers only. I especially agree with his comments about the need to change generations of bad habits that are trashing many city neighborhoods. (To quote "The Simpsons": "Put your garbage in a garbage can, people! Don't just throw it out the window! I can't stress that enough!")
Maybe the folks who administer the city's website will put the entire thing online (he wrote, dropping a not-at-all-subtle hint), because it deserves a wider audience.
. . .
News You May Have Missed: The Pennsylvania Turnpike is considering corporate sponsorship on "57 toll plazas, 157 state vehicles and more than 1,000 emergency call boxes," according to Jerome Sherman in the Post-Gazette last week.
Do we really need more corporate sponsorship of anything? It already seems like every square inch of the damned landscape is covered in someone's logo.
Take downtown Picksberg --- it was fun when the first corporate logo went on top of one of the skyscrapers in the Golden Triangle. Now, the skyline looks like McKnight Road on a Friday night.
Thursday, the New York Daily News (no relation to the McKeesport one, its motto is "More Than a Newspaper --- Youse Gotta Problem Wit Dat?") reported that the Big Apple is cracking down on giant advertisements (especially those that wrap around buildings) and fining violators.
But Pennsylvania --- always 10 years behind everyone else --- wants to go the other direction, and to prop up the bloated Turnpike Commission bureaucracy, no less.
I wish I had some money. I'd buy a toll plaza and rename it "The Next Time Try The Train Interchange."
. . .
Speaking of Signs: I saw a sign on a business down in Hazelwood yesterday that said "Shut Up Murtha."
I suppose that's more concise than sticking your fingers in your ears and singing, "la-la-la-la-la."
. . .
To Do This Weekend: It's soap-box derby weekend in Renzie Park! The annual Greater Pittsburgh Soap Box Derby gets underway at 9 a.m. Sunday on Eden Park Boulevard. The winners will represent the region in the 68th annual All-American Soap Box Derby in Akron, Ohio. (Expect some traffic restrictions on Hartman Street and around Penn State McKeesport Campus.) WWSW-FM (94.5) will be on hand from 10 a.m. to noon with the "3WS Sports Challenge." Call (412) 462-1957. ... McKeesport Little Theater's "junior theater" presents "Bugsy Malone Jr.," a musical comedy about two wannabe gangsters and a boxer. A spaghetti dinner will be held Saturday evening at a cost of $6 for adults and $4 for children. Discount coupons are available at MLT's website. Showtimes are 8 p.m. tonight and Saturday and 2 p.m. on Father's Day Sunday; call (412) 673-1100.
And now, the Fay-West Area Association of Tar Paper Shack Architects presents that occasional Tube City Almanac feature called ... "Good Government is On The March!"
(MUSIC: "March of Time" theme UP, ESTABLISH and UNDER.)
. . .
Our first example comes from the Post-Gazette (via Pittsburgh Dish) and concerns a council meeting in scenic Canonsburg, Washington County, hometown of Bobby Vinton, The Four Coins, and Perry Como, who was immortalized several years ago with a statue that depicts him eating an ice-cream cone.
It seems that two councilmen voted against waiving a building permit for Habitat For Humanity, the charity which constructs houses for low-income families.
"Really, they're a worldwide money-making cult, as far as I'm concerned," Councilman Daniel Caruso Jr. said.
That's right: Former President Jimmy Carter, a deacon in the Baptist Church and a devout born-again Christian, is a volunteer for a money-making cult. Alert Fox News!
Another councilman, Dennis D'Orazio, said the group didn't deserve any "special favors."
Now, a building permit in Canonsburg, according to the borough's website, costs a minimum of $25, or 0.4 percent of the cost of construction.
For the sake of this argument, let's say that this house would be valued at the Canonsburg median value (according to the 2000 U.S. Census) of $76,400.
At that rate, these two upright Christian (I presume) men wanted to deny a "special favor" to Habitat For Humanity of ... $305.60.
I think that's about what Sarris Candies sells in ice cream in 20 minutes at this time of year.
Tube City Almanac applauds Councilmen Caruso and D'Orazio for their diligent efforts to stamp out rampant kindness in Canonsburg, and look forward to their upcoming attempts to stop Boy Scouts from helping little old ladies across the street ("let them stay on their own side") and the Salvation Army from providing free coffee for disaster victims ("we have stores in this town that sell coffee").
. . .
Before we get to our other example of Good Government ... On The March, we would like to pause and pay tribute to Dr. Stanley Denton, a new member of the state Board of Control governing the Duquesne City School District.
According to the June 7 Daily News, Dr. Denton is discouraging residents from sending their children to charter schools or private schools, because, he says, the Duquesne City School District "will become the jewel of the Mon Valley."
That's the same Duquesne City School District that is running a $3.3 million dollar deficit next year, despite laying off seven teachers, the school librarian (there is no library in Duquesne, by the way), the guidance counselor, and the school psychologist; and eliminating all foreign language, art and music classes, having already cancelled all extra-curricular activities except for football and basketball.
We admire Dr. Stanley Denton's optimism, though we suspect that he would have kept selling those "I (Heart) The Titanic!" T-shirts even as the band was playing "Nearer My God To Thee."
. . .
Now, a reminder to our readers that opinions expressed here are those --- and only those --- of the editor, and do not reflect opinions of his employers or the staff of the Fay-West Area Association of Tar Paper Shack Architects.
With that in mind, we'd like to pause and recognize the Pennsylvania General Assembly, which last year created a "House Select Committee on Academic Freedom" to investigate incidents of alleged bias by college professors.
Obviously, there must be a need for these investigations. As Penn State professor Michael Berube points out, at his university, there have been 13 such complaints about alleged "bias" filed against professors over the past five years.
That's about two or three complaints per year at a university system with 80,000 students and 8,000 faculty members.
With this epidemic underway, it's a good thing we have a committee schlepping around to conduct hearings that one of its own members calls "a colossal waste of time."
Thus, in the spirit of the late U.S. Sen. William Proxmire's "Golden Fleece Awards," we would like to present the committee with the "Emperor Nero Golden Fiddle Award." It looks lovely on the side of a molehill.
. . .
Finally, we award our other place of honor this time to a modern, efficient law-enforcement officer ... former West Mifflin police Chief Frank Diener.
Indeed, a state police affidavit alleges that with ruthless efficiency, Chief Diener eliminated thousands of dollars of unnecessary and unneeded equipment from the borough, including:
In all seriousness: Chief Diener's efforts make the work of all of the honest, hard-working police officers in West Mifflin and surrounding communities --- and most of them are honest and hard-working --- just a little bit harder.
And he's added to the climate of distrust that separates average citizens from the people who put their lives on the line to protect them.
We feel bad for all of the police officers who are going to be looked at with suspicion for years to come as a result of Chief Diener's actions --- they don't deserve it.
We also sympathize with his family: Though some people are no doubt outraged that Diener appears to still be eligible for his $42,000 annual pension, that money is going to be cold comfort and seems like a lousy trade-off for one's reputation and self-respect.
Where was I when I was so rudely interrupted?
I ended Thursday's Almanac with a promise to continue my ruminations on regionalism, the decline of Downtown, etc., etc., etc., "tomorrow."
And then no Almanac appeared on Friday. Obviously, there are elastic definitions of "tomorrow" in Almanacland.
Mea culpa. Thursday, Friday and Saturday were extremely busy --- my best friend got married (and won't his wife be surprised ... ha!), and I helped with the preparations. Thursday night and Friday thus got away from me, and I didn't have time to write.
That means I also forgot to remind you about the Renzie Park fishing derby. Mea maxima culpa.
Incidentally, you may remember my rant about the tuxedo store a few months ago. I would just like to report that despite their high price, they came through with wonderful quality clothes and excellent service.
I would like to report that, but the fact is the clothes fit like feedsacks and were made of material of roughly the same quality. My "tuxedo shirt" had frayed cuffs and a gray collar, and the groom's tuxedo pants were broken.
They also forgot to put the vest back in the package, which necessitated a high-speed run by myself and one of the groomsmen back to the tuxedo shop 45 minutes before the ceremony. At which point they gave us a vest that didn't fit.
Are they getting one of my patented Indignant Complaint Letters? Oh, yes, they are. I don't have a reputation as the biggest crank in the Mon-Yough area for nothing.
To avoid litigation, I won't mention this tuxedo chain's name. But it's named after a huge Glenn Miller hit of 1940, and I ain't talking about "In The Mood."
. . .
Anyway, the wind kind of came out of my sails on the Downtown rant. I was going to get into a big rant about metropolitanism, and this balkanization of our communities, and why we need more cooperation among governments, "(and blah, blah, blah)," to quote Simon and Garfunkel.
But how many times do people around here need to be told this before it sinks in? A thousand times? A million? It doesn't matter --- they're not listening.
The Office of Steelerland Security has issued the following statement:
Please attempt to remain calm in this moment of crisis. Residents are urged to shelter in place and monitor local 24-hour radio and TV coverage of today's tragic incident. Large-scale evacuations are not recommended at this time.
In the event that sheltering at home remains impossible, please proceed immediately to your nearest sports bar.
We do not expect the current emergency to last more than a week or so. But in the event that it does, all residents are strongly encouraged to take preventative measures to stave off anxiety and stress disorders.
Breathing into a paper bag may help. You may also wish to lie down in a dark, quiet room with a damp Terrible Towel on your head.
Under no circumstances should you watch your highlights DVD from last season.
If you are unable to sleep for extended periods, either seek professional assistance or watch a Pirates game.
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